July Announcements

I spaced it on these until just now, but it's better late than never!

Happy Anniversary to:

• S&BB - 7/7 - 5 years of wedded bliss!
• Ash & DK - 7/28 - 5 years dating! This may be the last year we celebrate this anniversary since soon it will be replaced by our wedding anniversary!

Happy Birthday to:

• Justin - 7/20
• Dad - 7/29

Related posts:
Update to July Announcements - 7/24/06

New Uglys

Yay! I have 2 new additions to my ugly army! Oops, I mean to my ugly collection, not army.

Meet Chuckanucka:
Ok, you know what? Chuckanucka. That's what. Chuckanucka worries about pretty much everything under the sun: What if the phone rings when I go out? What if the mailman tries to deliver my Deluxe Ugly Earmuffs when I'm in the bathroom? Hey, I don't remember leaving the closet door open just a crack like that! What if I can't ever stop thinking about my name over and over? Chuckanucka has a pretty strange way of looking at life. Sometimes he wonders if this is all just a hologram, and on other days he wonders what's going to happen if they stop making CD players... How will I play my favorite CDs??? I have over nine of them!!! Poor Chuckanucka. Lucky Chuckanucka.


Meet Moxy:

Moxy’s got a lot of moxy. She’s a real get up and go Ugly, with far more energy that her older brother Ox. Moxy’s favorite activity seems to be bouncing off the walls and jumping in and out of mischief. Her giant antenna are always on the look out for a good time, and she can hear a party from miles away. She could hear you coming from all the way back over there! Are you a party animal? NO? Would you like to take care of one? No? Well that’s Ok because Moxy is here to take care of you. She can take care of pretty much any problem you may have…it’s a gift of hers. For example, see how messy your room is? No problem! See? Moxy is on your side.

Related posts:
My Dwight Schrute Bobble Head! - 7/13/06
Abe the Yeti - 6/1/06
Meet My New Ugly Doll, Wedgehead! - 5/8/06
iPod Mini - 4/21/06
I am a giant child that loves monsters - 3/23/06
Cube Cult-ure - 3/17/06
Keeping up in the business world - 3/16/06

Asshole!

Yep, this pretty much sums it up. Seriously, how is it possible to look this ridiculous when you have so many handlers?

Related posts:
Make a Wish - 4/6/06
My Worst Nightmare - 3/10/06

My Dwight Schrute Bobble Head!

Today is a very special day folks! I have my new Dwight Schrute bobble head on my desk! I am so excited - I love it! I can't stop flicking his head and watching him bobble! I am sure my office mate is getting sick of the tink, tink, tink noise.

Here's a funny story.
A few weeks ago a bunch of us were at the original seed (it's a bar) and Bri was talking about how this guy at her office has a Dwight bobble head. I didn't even know they existed so I asked her to find out where he got it so I could get one too. DK said something to Bri and then she and I went outside for a few minutes. When we came back in DK was like "did you tell her that I got her the Dwight bobble head?" Bri looked surprised and I was so happy! Yay - there was a Dwight bobble head on order just for me! I love Dwight's character so much - he is so incredibly funny! Once I almost peed my pants because I was laughing so hard at him! My Dwight bobble head was on back order because they are SO FREAKING AWESOME that everyone wants one, but last night a box came from NBC! Yay - thanks DK!

Related posts:
New Uglys - 7/17/06
Abe the Yeti - 6/1/06
Meet My New Ugly Doll, Wedgehead! - 5/8/06
iPod Mini - 4/21/06
I am a giant child that loves monsters - 3/23/06
Cube Cult-ure - 3/17/06
Keeping up in the business world - 3/16/06

Yo Momma....

... gets her hair done by this guy.

I would like to invite everyone to add their own Momma punch line in the comments. DK, you have a reputation to live up to! :)

Suprise, suprise, suprise

Yes, I still watch the Real World. I think watching it makes me feel normal and like I am a respectable citizen.

From the AP:

'Real World' cast member arrested in Conn.

CROMWELL, Conn. - A cast member on MTV's "The Real World" was arraigned on a misdemeanor assault charge after police said she bit her boyfriend during a domestic dispute.

Paula Ann Meronek, 25, allegedly bit her boyfriend several times when he refused to let her into their home early Sunday morning, police said.

"I think it was an argument that led to one thing then another," said Cromwell Police Chief Anthony Salvatore. "He attempted to keep her from the house. It got physical and we were contacted."

Meronek, who was arraigned Monday, was charged with third-degree assault, which carries a potential penalty of a year in prison. She is due back in court Aug. 11. No lawyer was listed in court documents.

Her boyfriend, John Alyward, was charged with disorderly conduct. The arrest was first reported by The Middletown Press.

"The Real World," now in its 17th season, puts seven strangers together in an exotic locale — this time in a Key West, Fla., beach house.

George Cabico, a spokesman for the show's producers, said filming is complete and the arrest will not affect the show.

A Vegetarian in Love

As many of you know I don’t eat any meat or seafood and haven’t since I was a kid. This is a bit of an issue because I don’t know how to cook any meat and the few times I have tried the outcome has been disastrous! I have never cooked pork in my life except once when I put some bacon in the microwave for DK for birthday breakfast. Now that I think about it that might have been turkey bacon.

Today is the 4th of July and I found a recipe for pulled pork sandwiches online. DK loves pulled pork. I might be setting myself up for failure because he is a pulled pork connoisseur. How hard can it be right? The name makes it sound like you just PULL some PORK out of a deli meat bag and put it on bread to make a SANDWICH. Oh no, that’s not what it means at all. Pulled pork means that the pork is slow cooked (10 hours for my recipe) until it is so tender that you can just pull it apart without cutting it. So I woke up early this morning and browned the pork on all sides in a skillet with oil. It was really funny because the pork shoulder roast is really heavy (around 5 pounds) so I had to experiment with different kitchen utensils to pick it up and turn it in the pan. I finally settled on these giant sharp fork things that DK uses with the turkey fryer. So now the pork is in the slow cooker where it will stay until 7:00 tonight. I hope it turns out well.

If you are coming over to my house tonight please feel free to leave a comment tomorrow with your thoughts on the pork. If you say nice things that would be great, but really I am looking for honest feedback.

Oink oink!

Related Posts:
UNC BBQ - 5/18/06

World Cup

Ladies, we need to start watching the World Cup with our guys! Check out this screenshot from Pink is the New Blog.

Britney & Personal Space Invaders with BAD Hair Extensions

Normally I don't post celeb stuff on my blog, but I am going to make an exception for this one.

Britney Spears is posing naked and pregnant a-la Demi Moore on the cover of Harpers.
Read the article.

I have one insult and one compliment for her.
Insult: That is so air brushed. We all know you don't look like that in real life. I saw the Matt Lauer interview of you with your gum smacking and your fake eyelash falling off!
Compliment: I LOVE the black hair! I know a lot of people are talking trash on it, but I like it! I don't think anyone could argue that those nasty blond-ish hair extensions were better than the black hair! One person described those extensions perfectly as looking like a mangy golden retriever.

On the subject of extensions, a few weeks ago we were boozing it up at the Asian Wok. I went into the ladies* room and found a nasty hair extension on the ground. Ha ha haaaaa! So I grabbed a paper towel, scooped it up and brought it out to show Bri! He he heeee. Then this super drunk girl was invading my bubble and she had hair that matched the extension perfectly so I asked her if she had extensions and she of course said no.

*I use the word ladies loosely in this place.

Smeagaling

On Saturday night we had a few people over to BBQ. Later in the evening we were sitting out on the back deck talking and drinking and Chris & Bri's dog Bode was sniffing around. I said to CTM "Hey, did you know that when a dog sniffs the air like that it's called smeagaling?" CTM was like "What?" and Bri started laughing. You see Bri told me that a few weeks ago camping and I just assumed that since she and Chris take Bode to some special doggy school that smeagaling was the official term for sniffing. Come to find out it's a word that Bri MADE UP to describe the sniffing. How was I supposed to know? I've never had a dog!

Happy Birthday Koreen!

Would you care for some delicious pixel cake?

Accidentally Drunk

Last night my mom and I went to a wine tasting at this new wine & cheese market in Bellevue called Porcella. The owner Kelly opened the Bada Lounge back in the day and now has this new joint.

As the night goes on we are enjoying the different wine and food pairings. When the tasting ended a bunch of people were going to buy a few bottles and open some of them to drink there. We decided to do the same and before long it was almost 10:00 PM and I was wasted! I bought some salami for DK and mom drove my drunken ass home. I somehow got to bed, not sure how that happened but I must have done it on my own because my contacts weren't in my eyes when I woke up at 6:00 this morning.

As I drove my wobbly self to work this morning all I could think about was a bagel, cause bagels are good in the morning after drinking. But I had a conference call with some people in New York and I didn't want to be late so there was no bagel in my future. Here's where the story gets good - As I'm walking down the hall towards my temporary office I see that someone has set up a table in the lounge with doughnuts, fruit, and best of all NOAH'S BAGELS AND CREAM CHEESE! There was a sign that said "Happy Birthday Mike!" More like happy fucking birthday Ash! Yes, there is a god!

The Greatest Monkey Names Ever!

These are some of my monkey's names:

• Dangles (Many of you know him from his prank calls.)
• Ruffles (I've had him since I was born.)
• Mr. Baheeha Skittles (I gave him away to a toddler - It was very sad but she really, really wanted him!)
• Professor Unc (See previous post.)
• Victor (I got him in Victoria BC.)

If I ever get a real monkey I am going to name him Sir Augustus Bentley Farnsworth Picklesworth XII but I'll just call him Augie for short.

Related Posts:
Who is Professor Unc? - 6/20/06

Who is Professor Unc?

Many of you have asked me why I named my blog Professor Unc so today I will answer that question for you.

A few years back DK and I were in North Carolina for a visit and we went to Chapel Hill to see some of his friends and to walk around the campus. This was my first visit to NC.

We did a little shopping at the student store and DK bought be a monkey (I collect monkeys) wearing a blue UNC shirt. DK asked me what I was going to name him (I name all of my monkeys - I'll post about that soon) and I said that I thought Professor Unc would be a good name. Fast forward a few years to February 2006. I was trying to think of a name for my blog and Professor Unc popped into my head. So that's it, I didn't go to school at UNC; I just named this blog after a monkey.

Related Posts:
The Greatest Monkey Names Ever! - 6/21/06

Camping

A bunch of us went camping on the Olympic Peninsula over Memorial Day weekend. DK and I drove over there in Bumble the ultimate camping mobile and we all had a great time. No one even lit themselves on fire! Yay!

Here are a few pictures of the Lake Crescent area where we camped.

Related posts:
Little Miss Sunshine - 7/19/06
Cars and Bumble Love - 4/17/06
Wanted: Pop Rivet Gun - 3/22/06
Shiny New Things - 3/02/06
Watch Out Bitches! - 2/28/06
Smoking & Bumble - 2/16/06

My New Job at the Chocolate Factory

I really like my new job. My co-workers and supervisors are great in the ways that count, they are good at what they do and fun to be around. It's always nice to work with people that you know you would get along well with outside of work. I had that at my old job and I'm glad that it's the same at my new job.

The interface/product that I'm working on has 130 million users world wide. I have worked on some high visibility designs for this same company before (different product), but I think by far this is the biggest. That feels really good and makes all of the crazy hours worth it. I do miss spending time with DK since it seems that I am glued to my laptop.

The Chocolate Factory
I have been working between two locations. One is just a normal office but the other is a giant campus. When I'm on the campus I feel like I am in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. There are so many different buildings with different things happening in each, kind of like the different research and development rooms in Wonka's factory, you know like where they make the everlasting gum. There are shuttles that will take you all over the campus and that makes me think of the chocolate river with the boats that the Oompa Loompas use to get from place to place in the factory. I am of course one of the Oompa Loompas, I run around busily working on my task. (I don't mean that in a negative way, I like Oompa Loompas!)

Donna Martin Graduates

Ok, so it wasn't Donna Martin, it was Bri! Here is a great picture that pretty much captures the whole blurry night.

You must think I'm dead

Today is the end of my first week at my new job. I am sure many of you were worried that I was dead. I'm not, but I am super busy. 8:00 am - midnight, that's my day. Too busy to eat, too busy to go out and certainly too busy to blog. I've got tons of stuff to write about, just no time to do it! So don't forget about me! This will level out.

Ash :)

Old Pervs at the Q

A few minutes ago I was at the QFC in Bellevue to pick up some things for dinner. As I'm walking in a cute little old man with a fishing hat on (complete with fishing flies on it) is pushing his cart back while skipping and riding on it. He says to me "I'm just trying to show off my age, I'm 82!" So trying to be sweet I say "You sure do have a spring in your step!" That sounds like something to say to a grandpa right? He replies, no joke "That's not all of it miss, I have a spring somewhere else too!" What? Are you fucking kidding me? I dunno, maybe if I was an 82 year old man and my wiener still worked I would want to tell the world too. Yuck!

Abe the Yeti

I now have my first Creature Co-op critter. I of course bought the Yeti. I named him Abe because a Yeti is also an abominable snowman and I wanted to pick a name that started with ab. Thanks to Nuclear Toast for the Yeti poking stick so I can give Abe a little jab if he gets out of line. How cute is he?

Here is his description: "Despite his ferocious appearance, Yeti is a shy and gentle beast. He would like to go home with you and have hot chocolate (the kind with mini marshmallows). "

Related posts:
New Uglys - 7/17/06
My Dwight Schrute Bobble Head! - 7/13/06
Meet My New Ugly Doll, Wedgehead! - 5/8/06
iPod Mini - 4/21/06
I am a giant child that loves monsters - 3/23/06
Cube Cult-ure - 3/17/06
Keeping up in the business world - 3/16/06