Thursday, April 24, 2008

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


More on the FLDS in Eldorado, Texas...

The FLDS public relations blitz has begun! Frankly, I am surprised it didn’t happen sooner.

One thing to remember about the FLDS is that they have a ton of money and lawyers. The land alone in their trust (the United Effort Plan) is estimated to be worth over $100 million.

In addition to granting reporters interviews and access to the YFZ compound in Eldorado, Texas, the FLDS has established a website aiming to garner public sympathy for their situation as well as gather monetary donations for their legal battle.

While browsing through their site, I noticed a video titled "Happy children at the ranch". In this video, you see numerous photos of the same little FLDS girl who strongly resembles Warren Jeffs. (Example below.)

Little FLDS girl (Mini-Jeffs?) / Warren Jeffs (Baby-daddy?)

As reported by the media, Warren Jeffs, FLDS prophet (currently serving two consecutive sentences of 5 years to life in a Utah prison and awaiting charges in Arizona) built the YFZ compound to house the chosen people from the larger FLDS community in Hildale, UT and Colorado City, AZ. Would his family* be included in this chosen group? My guess is YES! Where better to leave your family when you are on the run from the Feds courtesy of the FBI's most wanted list or in prison?

*It is estimated that Warren Jeffs has between 40 and 70 “wives” (approximately 12 of these women were married to his father, Rulon Jeffs – say it with me folks… YUUUUUCK!) and around 56 children. Source =

So my question is: Does the state of Texas have any of Warren Jeffs’ 56 children in custody? I think it’s quite likely and if so I am shocked that the media hasn’t grabbed onto that story like a rabid pitbull on a rump roast. Maybe no one is sure yet because of all of the DNA testing they still need to run to confirm family relationships.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Friday, April 18, 2008

Großer Wagen* the brightest stars of Ursa Major

I have this odd configuration of freckles on my arm. A few years ago, I realized that if I added two freckles, I would have the big dipper on my arm. Last week I had those two freckles tattooed on…

Viola! I now have a freckled big dipper on my arm! My fake freckles are healing nicely and once they are fully healed, I think they will be a perfect match. Right now they are a little too dark, but that's just the scabbing.

* Germans call the big dipper "Großer Wagen", which translates to "Great Cart" in english.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

New template...

same great blog!

I had to switch it up a little. I was tired of my old polkadot template that I had on this blog since it was created. Do you like it?

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

The cell phone assassin

Today at work I saw this guy walking out the door as I was walking in. He had his hands full and his cell phone in his mouth. Yes, in his mouth.*

Being the smart ass that I am, I said "Mmmmm, that cell phone looks delicious!!"

He laughed, thus opening his mouth, and his cell phone hit the pavement. It was in 3 pieces. Oops. I feel bad. Who knew you could break a cell phone with humor?

The FLDS - Your tax dollars at work

This makes me really, really mad. Not only have members of the FLDS taken massive amounts of our tax dollars in the form of welfare, but they also use government contracts to fill their bank accounts!

Excerpt from
A company founded and run by members of the [FLDS] church received more than $1.1 million in government contracts between 2003-2007, a federal online database shows. Most of that money was spent by the Department of Defense on aircraft wheel and brake parts.

NewEra Manufacturing's president and CEO is John Wayman, a sect member who runs the Las Vegas, Nevada, business. NewEra was previously known as Western Precision Inc. and based in Hildale, Utah, where thousands of church members live.

In a 2005 affidavit filed with a Utah lawsuit, former church member and Western Precision worker John Nielsen said workers were underpaid or not paid at all for work they did because they were told their time and earnings were being donated to the church.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Craig's List Crazies

We are selling a few things on Craig's List. One item that we have listed for sale is our giant, old TV. Used, on Amazon it is listed for $499. We are offering it at $200. This is an email I just got from an interested buyer:

Will you take less, I’m unemployed at this time? Or perhaps I can do some work, handyman stuff?

Ummm… NO! Are you effing kidding me? What don’t you understand about “$200 cash”? Plus, why do you need a new TV if you are unemployed?!?! No joke, this guy’s email is “smartestpersonuknow@****.***”.

Spontaneous Coworker Combustion

The guy in the office across the hall from me smokes a pipe. I smelled something burning so I went over there to see if he could smell it to. His office was empty, but the smell was really strong in there. I was thinking that maybe I should call the front desk or pull the fire alarm (this building has a history of small electrical fires). A few seconds later, he comes strolling back down the hall with a big hole burned in the upper leg of his pants.

He had put his freshly smoked pipe in his pants pocket with a box of matches. He said about 10 minutes later a small fire ball erupted from his pocket, burning a hole in his pants and scorching his skin lightly. He had a cup of hot coffee on his desk so he doused his blazing pants with the hot coffee. Ouch.

I know its mean, but I had to laugh. I mean, he wasn't seriously hurt, so it was kind of funny.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Confession: Farts and Elevators

When I am in an elevator by myself, I try to squeeze out a fart. I think it’s funny that the next person who gets in has to smell it. I know it seems kind of mean, but I just can’t help myself. I figure if that’s the meanest thing I do, I am still a pretty nice person.

It makes me giggle out-loud when I think about it. I am giggling now.

P.S. This all started when I worked at a small company with Another Drunken Word. Back then I targeted my elevator farts at him, but now I do it to the general public.

Serial Elevator Farter

Dear Abby April Fools (a little late I know!)

This was in Dear Abby on April Fools Day.

DEAR ABBY: To say I am upset is an understatement. I have a terrible problem. My wife of 22 years, "Verna," was recently sentenced to 15 years in prison. Verna, you see, always programmed our VCR. As a result, I have no idea how to record my favorite sporting events.

I begged my daughter to show me how to operate the darned thing, but she's still mad at me because when she asked me if her blue blazer made her look fat, I replied: "No, I don't think your blazer makes you look fat. It's those double cheeseburgers you've been scarfing down two at a time that make you look so fat."

I'm thinking maybe if I run a personal ad in my local paper I could meet a nice lady and get my mind off all the sports I'm missing on TV. Here's how I plan to word it: "SWM seeking single female with lots of money and a fast car. Race, age and looks unimportant. Please send picture of car."

I know you get hundreds of letters every day with the same exact problems that I have, but please tell me what to do.


DEAR APRIL FOOL: People often ask me if I get made-up letters, and in honor of April Fools' Day, I am printing yours. By the way, forget about the personal ad. You have enough family problems already without revving up anyone else's engine.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

The shit hits the fan in Texas

As you may know, I have very strong feelings about polygamy in general and specifically about polygamy and the FLDS (Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints). I am sure some of you are surprised that I didn’t post earlier about last week’s raids in Eldorado, Texas.

In general, I support a person's right to choose how they want to live their lives, as long as they aren't hurting anyone. I also feel very strongly that the government should butt-out of our personal lives and just let people be.

The reason I am so opposed to the way that sects like the FLDS practice polygamy is because of the widespread involvement of children.

The most recent news is that 416 children have been removed from an FLDS compound in Eldorado, Texas and put into state custody because it was deemed that they faced an imminent threat of physical and/or sexual abuse. 140 women left with them by choice.

The FLDS children are not educated to a level where they have the option of leaving the compound. If they do, they have nowhere to go, no skills for “the outside world”, and are far behind in their education. Add to this the total culture shock of different styles of dress, manners and behavior and the thought of leaving a compound is daunting to say the least.

The young girls are married off to much older husbands at puberty and systematically raped. Whether they say no or not, they are being raped because they are not old enough to legally consent to sex. Many of the husbands are old enough to be their grandfathers and in extreme cases, their great-grandfathers. But do they have any other choice? I don’t think so.

Think of how hard it would be to leave not only your family, but literally everyone and everything you have ever known. To know that you will never be able to come home or have contact with them as long as they are still a part of the FLDS. How hard would it be to leave the only way of life you have ever known and enter the “outsider’s world” where no one looks like you and everything is different and unfamiliar. People who you love and trust have told you horrible things about the outside world and with no knowledge of your own; it would be so easy to believe them. I consider myself to be a strong and independent person and I am not sure that I would be able to leave under such circumstances.

Adolescent boys are either groomed to take on many wives or are excommunicated from the compounds so that they don’t compete for wives with the old men in positions of authority. If a husband acts out against the leadership, he is excommunicated, evicted from his home and his wives and children are reassigned to another man.

This has all been happening right under our noses for decades (since the Short Creek raid in 1953) and until last week the government has done nothing about it. I hope that this triggers raids in the twin towns of Colorado City, Arizona and Hildale, Utah.

This is the first and probably the only time I will ever say "Way to go Texas!"

Recommended reading:

Under the Banner of Heaven, A Story of Violent Faith
Jon Krakauer

Shattered Dreams: My Life as a Polygamist's Wife
Irene Spencer

Escape (I haven't read this one yet, but I ordered it)
Carolyn Jessop and Laura Palmer

Texas Polygamy blog
A blog with posts and comments written by polygamists, non-polygamists and ex-polygamists. I found this blog to be fascinating. If you do visit the blog, please be respectful and do not leave rude or degrading comments.

The Hope Organization
The HOPE Organization is a non-profit group dedicated to assisting survivors of abuse within polygamous relationships on their courageous journey to personal freedom.

My previous posts can be found here.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Free Rice - fun & games

I tried to get NuclearToast to post this for his Friday game blog post, but his response was "NO HIPPIE GAMES" so I am going to post it here, because I allow hippie games!

Who knew that "sycophant" means "groveling flatterer"?!?!?
(I actually got that one right by process of elimination.)

What is

It's a super fun vocabulary game with a heart! I read about it in my Vegetarian Times magazine. Yes, we have our own magazine. :)

The game displays a word and 4 possible meanings. When you choose the correct meaning, they donate 20 grains of rice through the UN World Food Program. That may not seem like a lot of rice, but since October of 2007, they have donated 25,085,087,070 grains of rice!

FreeRice has two goals:
  • Provide English vocabulary to everyone for free.
  • Help end world hunger by providing rice to hungry people for free.
It's free and fun! Try it today!