Friday, September 29, 2006

Johnny Depp, Tattoos & It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

Did you know that Johnny Depp used to have a tattoo that said "Winona Forever"? As in Winona Ryder. First of all, why would anyone name their kid Winona? Poor girl - if that were my name I might go shoplift crap too. I like Johnny Depp - I think he is creative. He had his tattoo changed to "Wino Forever"!!!! Awesome! The Winona Forever part must have fallen under the good old "It seemed like a good idea at the time" category. I have a whole list of things that I can say that about but fortunately none of them are permanently carved and inked on my body.

Repeat after me everyone - I will never get anyone's name tattooed on my body! (I will make an exception for one of my friends, she knows who she is!) This should be common sense for most people but for some reason people still do it. The only thing that I think is kind of OK is getting your kid's name tattooed on you, but then again that can go terribly wrong too. Do you think Ted Bundy's mom wishes she had gotten his name etched on her? I think not! Interesting story because for a number of years Ted Bundy believed that his mom was really his sister. She was way too young and unmarried when she had him so the family passed baby Ted off as her brother, not her son. Note to women around the world: If you are young, wild and crazy and your family sends you on a 9 month vacation, everyone knows you got knocked up! It's really not a secret at all.

Back to tattoos and moms: When I got my first tattoo I thought about getting Mom inside of a heart. Why? Well, of course I love my mom, but also how could she get mad at me for getting that? Luckily I decided against it and got a moon with a red eye on my stomach instead. I was the only kid in middle school with a tattoo! There I go setting records again!

For years I have also wanted to get a large hula dancer, think 3x8 inches tattooed on the inside of my arm upside down so that her feet start in my armpit and her head is roughly at my elbow. That way when I lifted my arm up and flexed she would be right side up and dancing! Why? I have no idea. I have wanted that since I was a kid - maybe I saw it on TV or something.

Snake Infestation

From the AP:

Idaho couple's home infested with snakes

WILFORD, Idaho - The Hepworths knew the house would require some maintenance. But they never thought they'd need a snake charmer. Shortly after Lyman and Jeanine Hepworth began working on a rundown property outside of town, they experienced a trauma more fit for Samuel L. Jackson's character in "Snakes on a Plane" than a pair of eastern Idaho do-it-yourselfers.

Snakes fell on Lyman Hepworth's head when he opened the door to a pump house near the small house the couple planned to buy.

"When it warmed up, we walked onto the yard and the whole yard moved," Jeanine Hepworth told the Rexburg Standard Journal.

One day, Lyman Hepworth reached to turn on a light and discovered the pull cord was actually a snake.

Read the whole article here.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

So Sorry

I am so sorry to everyone at Safeco last night that did not see me streak across the field. If it didn't require a night in jail I would totally do it, in a heartbeat and I would slap Sexson's ass run-by style and maybe the moose too. I am 26 and have never spent a night in jail or been convicted of anything. A little part of me thinks, hey you might as well just get it out of the way and what better way to do it than to run naked across the field at Safeco?

Shadrac my Pathfinder, I am so sorry that the doughnut bandit struck again. At this rate by next weekend you will have no tires left and the whole town will be covered in burnt rubber marks.

Neighbors, I am so sorry if you saw us streaking past your house last night. It seemed like a good idea since we missed our big chance at Safeco. That'll teach you to look out the window after dark huh?

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

I still need to see Little Miss Sunshine

I STILL have not seen Little Miss Sunshine! Maybe DK and I will go this weekend and see a matinee so we can avoid all of the annoying teenagers and save a few bucks. Wow - we really are an old married couple now!

This morning on my way to work I sat on 148th for around 45 minutes in traffic. That sucked, but to my delight the people stuck in traffic next to me were a really nice couple with an awesome bumble! I have seen it before at the Wagon Shop where I take my Bumble to see Dr. Carl and Dr. Calvin. It is painted like a globe with a trail of words all around it. It has a cool clown type horn mounted on the driver door so he can roll down his window and squeeze it! Best of all he has a mega phone mounted to the outside and a CB radio type hand piece inside so he can drive along and talk to people at an incredibly high volume! I NEED THAT! First I need to look it up and make sure it isn't against the law because the last thing I need is another reason for the cops to pull me over in Bumble. It already screams "I HAVE WEED, PULL ME OVER!" (I do not) but if I had the mega phone I could scream "I HAVE WEED, PULL ME OVER!" (I do not.)

You have gotta see this brown Bumble catch some air off a jump.

Please compare.

My Bumble: (Push start not required!)

The Famous Movie Star Bumble:

Related Posts:
Little Miss Sunshine - 7/19/06
Camping - 6/14/06
Cars and Bumble Love - 4/17/06
Wanted: Pop Rivet Gun - 3/22/06
Shiny New Things - 3/2/06
Watch Out Bitches! - 2/28/06
Smoking & Bumble - 2/16/06

Monday, September 25, 2006

Man plummets 50 feet to grab missing $20

From the AP:

PALMETTO, Fla. - Mark Giorgio figured a 50-foot fall was worth $20. Giorgio, 47, was counting his money Monday while walking across the U.S. 41 bridge over the Manatee River when a $20 bill blew out of his hand and flew over the rail.

He followed. And plummeted 50 feet into the river.

Then he swam about 100 yards to fish the bill from the water.

"I got my money back, hell yeah," Giorgio told the Sarasota Herald-Tribune. "Twenty bucks is a lot of money when you're broke."

He was fished from the water by a passing Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission officer. Giorgio, who said he was already suffering from a broken collarbone, refused treatment for cuts and scrapes he suffered in the fall.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Cool Site

Ok - So I hate 2 things more than almost anything in this world... Gifuckinggantic-gas-guzzeling SUVs, Hummers in particular and popups. But the other day I stumbled upon this Hummer popup and was impressed with it so I thought I would pass it along.

  • Go to this link and click on the Enter Site button:
  • Check out how the magician stretches the popup for you.
  • Once the intro has finished, click on the magician and he will do tricks with your mouse.
  • Also, I have to say that the videos (commercials) are pretty funny.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Cup O Noodle

The other day at the store I was so excited to find a "Vegetable Style Instant Noodle Soup" in other words a generic vegetarian version of good old Cup O Noodle! I tried one for lunch today and I have to say it was good but I was a little disappointed.

First of all, I didn't stir it well enough (my fault, I know) so the broth on top was a little watery and the broth at the bottom was a little too salty.

They need to improve their cup strength because almost immediately I poked a hole in the cup with my fork and had to eat fast until I got the broth level lower than the hole so that it wouldn't spill all over my desk.

Also, the picture on the label shows a steaming cup of noodles LOADED with peas, corn and carrot pieces. Mine had ONLY TWO peas and MAYBE FIVE carrot pieces max, I didn't count the carrots and NO CORN!!! So that's the report.

I am now having a cup of hot chocolate for dessert.

Note: the soup in the picture is the Tomato Beef style which I of course did not try, but the picture is exactly the same as the one I did try.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Bad Adults

  • Bad adults drink J├Ągermeister before breakfast.
  • Bad adults get drunk at the Hawks game on a Sunday.
  • Bad adults get into the hot tub on a Sunday night with a bunch of beer and a box of wine when they know they have to go to work in 10 hours.
  • Bad adults drive to Wendy's in their underwear on a Sunday night at 10:30 with an open bottle of wine (not the driver I might add.)
  • Bad adults have a compulsive urge to do doughnuts in parking lots.
  • Bad adults pass out on the couch with a frosty and wake up at 3:00 am on Monday morning hating life with their contacts glued to their eyes.
  • Bad adults get beat up by a Yeti and told they are bad adults.

Please feel free to comment with your own bad adult description. :)

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Dog the Bounty Hunter

So it's after 1 AM and I just watched a few minutes of Dog the Bounty Hunter. Bri and I were in the hot tub for a few hours and then went out for Taco Bell, then I went and did doughnuts in the middle school parking lot, DAMN I LOVE DOUGHNUTS, THE CAR TYPE AS WELL AS THE SUGGARY TYPE. My husband is out playing cards. Dog looks like a modern day HEMAN!!!! They just busted some guy with over $10k worth of Meth, nice. A few good quotes from Dog: (Speaking at a public elementary school) What does school get you? Success!! If not, you go to jail!!! May God have mercy 'casue Dog will not!!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Drunken Debauchery Team One

As many of you know Small Fish and I got married on 9/3/06! The next morning we received this email from one of our best friends and groomsman Chris. Please enjoy and post a comment encouraging Chris to start his own blog called Drunken Debauchery Team One.


From: Chris
Sent: Monday, September 4, 2006 3:16 AM
To: Small Fish, Ash
Subject: the Drunk message

Well it's 3o'clock in the morning of your wedding and I drunk as shit. So lets give a recap. Bri and I end up going t the pub in La Conner were they serve us one Drink then kick us out, Justin, I think maybe the other brother sing take my breath Way in the streets of La Conner,. Then we end up in the PIMP SUITE. Kevin ( the random guy) passes out in Delo's bed. so we end up talking him to Alex's room with all the other drunk people. Jim oh Jim did not know what hit him. Delo and I Strip and whip the boy into the best position for a drunk boy from Alabama. Ending the night with a 20 minute smoke talk about how cool you both are. Now I am back in my hotel room listening to Bri snoring and Fresh prince is playing . I love the both of you

From a drunk Bastard in La Conner