World Cup

Ladies, we need to start watching the World Cup with our guys! Check out this screenshot from Pink is the New Blog.

Britney & Personal Space Invaders with BAD Hair Extensions

Normally I don't post celeb stuff on my blog, but I am going to make an exception for this one.

Britney Spears is posing naked and pregnant a-la Demi Moore on the cover of Harpers.
Read the article.

I have one insult and one compliment for her.
Insult: That is so air brushed. We all know you don't look like that in real life. I saw the Matt Lauer interview of you with your gum smacking and your fake eyelash falling off!
Compliment: I LOVE the black hair! I know a lot of people are talking trash on it, but I like it! I don't think anyone could argue that those nasty blond-ish hair extensions were better than the black hair! One person described those extensions perfectly as looking like a mangy golden retriever.

On the subject of extensions, a few weeks ago we were boozing it up at the Asian Wok. I went into the ladies* room and found a nasty hair extension on the ground. Ha ha haaaaa! So I grabbed a paper towel, scooped it up and brought it out to show Bri! He he heeee. Then this super drunk girl was invading my bubble and she had hair that matched the extension perfectly so I asked her if she had extensions and she of course said no.

*I use the word ladies loosely in this place.

Smeagaling

On Saturday night we had a few people over to BBQ. Later in the evening we were sitting out on the back deck talking and drinking and Chris & Bri's dog Bode was sniffing around. I said to CTM "Hey, did you know that when a dog sniffs the air like that it's called smeagaling?" CTM was like "What?" and Bri started laughing. You see Bri told me that a few weeks ago camping and I just assumed that since she and Chris take Bode to some special doggy school that smeagaling was the official term for sniffing. Come to find out it's a word that Bri MADE UP to describe the sniffing. How was I supposed to know? I've never had a dog!

Happy Birthday Koreen!

Would you care for some delicious pixel cake?

Accidentally Drunk

Last night my mom and I went to a wine tasting at this new wine & cheese market in Bellevue called Porcella. The owner Kelly opened the Bada Lounge back in the day and now has this new joint.

As the night goes on we are enjoying the different wine and food pairings. When the tasting ended a bunch of people were going to buy a few bottles and open some of them to drink there. We decided to do the same and before long it was almost 10:00 PM and I was wasted! I bought some salami for DK and mom drove my drunken ass home. I somehow got to bed, not sure how that happened but I must have done it on my own because my contacts weren't in my eyes when I woke up at 6:00 this morning.

As I drove my wobbly self to work this morning all I could think about was a bagel, cause bagels are good in the morning after drinking. But I had a conference call with some people in New York and I didn't want to be late so there was no bagel in my future. Here's where the story gets good - As I'm walking down the hall towards my temporary office I see that someone has set up a table in the lounge with doughnuts, fruit, and best of all NOAH'S BAGELS AND CREAM CHEESE! There was a sign that said "Happy Birthday Mike!" More like happy fucking birthday Ash! Yes, there is a god!

The Greatest Monkey Names Ever!

These are some of my monkey's names:

• Dangles (Many of you know him from his prank calls.)
• Ruffles (I've had him since I was born.)
• Mr. Baheeha Skittles (I gave him away to a toddler - It was very sad but she really, really wanted him!)
• Professor Unc (See previous post.)
• Victor (I got him in Victoria BC.)

If I ever get a real monkey I am going to name him Sir Augustus Bentley Farnsworth Picklesworth XII but I'll just call him Augie for short.

Related Posts:
Who is Professor Unc? - 6/20/06

Who is Professor Unc?

Many of you have asked me why I named my blog Professor Unc so today I will answer that question for you.

A few years back DK and I were in North Carolina for a visit and we went to Chapel Hill to see some of his friends and to walk around the campus. This was my first visit to NC.

We did a little shopping at the student store and DK bought be a monkey (I collect monkeys) wearing a blue UNC shirt. DK asked me what I was going to name him (I name all of my monkeys - I'll post about that soon) and I said that I thought Professor Unc would be a good name. Fast forward a few years to February 2006. I was trying to think of a name for my blog and Professor Unc popped into my head. So that's it, I didn't go to school at UNC; I just named this blog after a monkey.

Related Posts:
The Greatest Monkey Names Ever! - 6/21/06

Camping

A bunch of us went camping on the Olympic Peninsula over Memorial Day weekend. DK and I drove over there in Bumble the ultimate camping mobile and we all had a great time. No one even lit themselves on fire! Yay!

Here are a few pictures of the Lake Crescent area where we camped.

Related posts:
Little Miss Sunshine - 7/19/06
Cars and Bumble Love - 4/17/06
Wanted: Pop Rivet Gun - 3/22/06
Shiny New Things - 3/02/06
Watch Out Bitches! - 2/28/06
Smoking & Bumble - 2/16/06

My New Job at the Chocolate Factory

I really like my new job. My co-workers and supervisors are great in the ways that count, they are good at what they do and fun to be around. It's always nice to work with people that you know you would get along well with outside of work. I had that at my old job and I'm glad that it's the same at my new job.

The interface/product that I'm working on has 130 million users world wide. I have worked on some high visibility designs for this same company before (different product), but I think by far this is the biggest. That feels really good and makes all of the crazy hours worth it. I do miss spending time with DK since it seems that I am glued to my laptop.

The Chocolate Factory
I have been working between two locations. One is just a normal office but the other is a giant campus. When I'm on the campus I feel like I am in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. There are so many different buildings with different things happening in each, kind of like the different research and development rooms in Wonka's factory, you know like where they make the everlasting gum. There are shuttles that will take you all over the campus and that makes me think of the chocolate river with the boats that the Oompa Loompas use to get from place to place in the factory. I am of course one of the Oompa Loompas, I run around busily working on my task. (I don't mean that in a negative way, I like Oompa Loompas!)

Donna Martin Graduates

Ok, so it wasn't Donna Martin, it was Bri! Here is a great picture that pretty much captures the whole blurry night.

You must think I'm dead

Today is the end of my first week at my new job. I am sure many of you were worried that I was dead. I'm not, but I am super busy. 8:00 am - midnight, that's my day. Too busy to eat, too busy to go out and certainly too busy to blog. I've got tons of stuff to write about, just no time to do it! So don't forget about me! This will level out.

Ash :)

Old Pervs at the Q

A few minutes ago I was at the QFC in Bellevue to pick up some things for dinner. As I'm walking in a cute little old man with a fishing hat on (complete with fishing flies on it) is pushing his cart back while skipping and riding on it. He says to me "I'm just trying to show off my age, I'm 82!" So trying to be sweet I say "You sure do have a spring in your step!" That sounds like something to say to a grandpa right? He replies, no joke "That's not all of it miss, I have a spring somewhere else too!" What? Are you fucking kidding me? I dunno, maybe if I was an 82 year old man and my wiener still worked I would want to tell the world too. Yuck!

Abe the Yeti

I now have my first Creature Co-op critter. I of course bought the Yeti. I named him Abe because a Yeti is also an abominable snowman and I wanted to pick a name that started with ab. Thanks to Nuclear Toast for the Yeti poking stick so I can give Abe a little jab if he gets out of line. How cute is he?

Here is his description: "Despite his ferocious appearance, Yeti is a shy and gentle beast. He would like to go home with you and have hot chocolate (the kind with mini marshmallows). "

Related posts:
New Uglys - 7/17/06
My Dwight Schrute Bobble Head! - 7/13/06
Meet My New Ugly Doll, Wedgehead! - 5/8/06
iPod Mini - 4/21/06
I am a giant child that loves monsters - 3/23/06
Cube Cult-ure - 3/17/06
Keeping up in the business world - 3/16/06