Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Meme dos: Karma

The year is 2020. My husband DK and I are retired and raising our twin ten year olds Cassidy (girl) and Elliott (boy). I opened my own no-kill animal shelter that I help run and I also volunteer at the Seattle Children’s Hospital as a board game buddy and a puppeteer. DK works on ideas for new businesses and inventions. We split our time primarily between our tropical island home and our northwest island home.

Our kids are wonderful. They are sweet, friendly, kind, generous, healthy, smart, and confident. They are really cool kids. They are good kids and lead responsible, fun lives and they are not at all concerned with status, material things or fitting in. They have admirable dreams and aspirations but they also understand the importance of living life to the fullest and not just living to work or succeed.

We were lucky to get two kids at one time. We wanted more than one child, but less than four so twins worked out great. Two kids and only one pregnancy. That was about all DK could take since he was constantly on nacho runs at all hours of the night and day.

We were able to retire in 2007 at the ages of 27 and 30. Everyone always made fun of me for buying lotto tickets, but one day that all changed.

DK and I were lying on the couches one evening zoning out on the TV after a long, hard day at work. The show we were watching was interrupted with breaking news. The excited anchor man on KING-5 reported that the winning Mega Millions lotto ticket was sold at the downtown Bellevue QFC. I glanced over at DK and smiled. That’s where I buy my tickets. More as a joke than anything else I grabbed my ticket out of my wallet. The anchor man read the winning numbers. 9, 3, 6, 27, 30 with a mega ball number of 7. I jump up and down screaming “HOLY FUCKING SHIT we just won! We just won! We just won Mega Millions!” That was the day that we became $300,000,000 dollars richer.

That night we made a list of things to do.

  1. Get a good financial advisor
  2. Give notice at work
  3. Travel
  4. Have kids
  5. Go back to school
  6. Pay off the house
  7. Buy a motor home
  8. Buy a boat
  9. Buy a hot tub
  10. Buy houses for our family members
  11. Buy crazy gifts for our friends
  12. Buy some more houses in places that we love
  13. Volunteer for causes that we believe in

We checked the ticket five hundred times and each time the numbers were the same 9, 3, 6, 27, 30, 7. We both called in sick the next day and drove to Olympia, the state capitol and home to the lotto offices with our winning ticket.

The funniest part was that the day I bought that quick pick Mega Millions ticket a rude lady cut in front of me in line at the store. She was also buying a quick pick Mega Millions ticket. The day after we won I took out a full page ad in the Seattle Times. Here is what it said:

“Dear Mean Lady,

You cut in front of me in the lotto line at the Bellevue QFC on 6/20 at around 7:00 pm. You have long black hair and glasses. You pushed your way in front of my cart and bought a quick pick Mega Millions ticket. It was so blatant that even the clerk said that she thought I was in line first. I said not to worry about it; you must be in a rush to go do something important. Well I hope wherever you were going was really, really important because your rudeness and lack of regard for other people cost you $300,000,000. Yep, that’s right, a three with eight zeros trailing behind. 300 million dollars. That ticket would have been yours if you hadn’t cut in line. You know who you are, let this be a lesson to you. One word: Karma.

P.S. Why would anyone pay so much money for a full page ad like this? Why not, I am F@#$%&* LOADED! Ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”


Bri said...

This seriously put a smile on my face..I love it

DK said...


NuclearToast said...

The best part of this story is you dropped the F-bomb once, and then censored it the second time!

Ash said...

Nuclear Toast: I had to censor it the second time because that's my news paper ad and they don't allow the F word in the paper. (Not even for a millionaire.)

Anonymous said...

I hope you bought one of those pool sized hot tubs. Maybe it also has a swim up bar.

CJK said...

oh, that anonymous one was from CJK. oops.

bladio said...

oh man so fun! I'm glad that becoming a millionaire hasn't affected your sense of justice / karma.