Top 10 Wackiest Street Names in America

10. Tater Peeler Road in Lebanon, Tenn.
9. The intersection of Count and Basie in Richmond, Va.
8. Shades of Death Road in Warren County, N.J.
7. Unexpected Road in Buena, N.J.
6. Bucket of Blood Street in Holbrook, Ariz.
5. The intersection of Clinton and Fidelity in Houston
4. The intersection of Lonesome and Hardup in Albany, Ga.
3. Farfrompoopen Road in Tennessee (the only road up to Constipation Ridge)
2. Divorce Court in Heather Highlands, Pa.
1. Psycho Path in Traverse City, Mich.
Source.

Watch Out Bitches!

Bumble has a new horn. I am so excited! I get to pick her up today and hear her horn for the very first time. It has been broken since I bought her. I wonder what it sounds like. I'll bet it has a cute sound to it.

Friends: If I honk at you next time I see you, I am just showing off Bumble's new horn!

Anyone Else: If I honk at you it's because you drive like an idiot.

Related posts:
Little Miss Sunshine - 7/19/06
Camping - 6/14/06
Cars and Bumble Love - 4/17/06
Wanted: Pop Rivet Gun - 3/22/06
Shiny New Things - 3/2/06
Smoking & Bumble - 2/16/06

Fat Cats and Giraffes on Birth Control

I don't ever want to hear from any of you ever again that Chloe is fat!
Watch this video.

What I really think

Lotto Winners
You win 1/8 of 365 million dollars, the largest jackpot in lotto history. What would you say to the news media? Here are my favorite quotes from the eight record breaking lotto winners:

• "We process hams... and corned beef"
  You just haaaad to throw the corned beef in there didn't you?
  
  
• The one woman in the group is asked if she was married "No, it's all mine, he he heee!"
  OK, I LOVE this quote! :)
  
  
• "I just want to make sure that it lasts me the rest of my life so that I don't have to return to work at 50 because I'm broke now or somethin'."
  Great idea! I have heard that a startling number of lotto winners go bankrupt, about 1/3 according to the Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards Inc. Assuming this woman is 25 years old (low estimate) and she lives to be 90 (high estimate) she only needs to keep her spending under $238,461.54 a year. Is that really so hard?!?! And that is assuming that she doesn't earn a penny of interest on the money, like keeping it in the toilet tank, under the couch cushions, or under a floor board! (Yes, I am jealous.)
  
  
• From one of the NBC anchors: "And we mentioned that one of the workers went to work throughout the week and that continued even last night. He actually worked the graveyard shift, Dan Galey (spelling) and when asked why in the world did he continued to do that, he said that he didn't want to let down his co workers, very admirable huh Matt?"
  Admirable is not the word that comes to my mind, but whatever.

You can watch the video here, but I already recapped the good parts. :)

Bird Flu
Ok - I know the bird flu is a very serious matter and we shouldn't laugh about it. But how can you not laugh at this photo? Are you joking? Is this really the most efficient way to catch a chicken? I think not! I tried to catch that peacock at the Ste. Michelle winery once. They are really fast and all I got was a feather. And no, I did not pull the feather off, it feel off during the pursuit.

Stupid Human Tricks
Is this seriously a competition? Who the eff competes in this? Where do these competitions take place? The poor pooch just wants a treat for god's sake. This crazy woman makes him dance to the whole freaking song "You're The One That I Want" from Grease? Watch the video.

Funny Stuff

More funny captions from airtoons.com

This one is great!
"Always Be Prepared. Feb. 22: Officials at the Tokyo Zoo were fearful of what would happen should a gorilla break lose from its cage, so they decided to perform an escaped gorilla drill." Watch the video.

Dumpster Diving

One day a few weeks ago I was driving to work and noticed a sofa, love seat, dressing table, mirror and bench in the bushes by the dumpster. It was all soaking wet, but I decided to stop and take a look.

For a while I had been thinking about how nice it would be to have a little dressing table and mirror in the spare bedroom to use to get ready. The spare bedroom has kind of an old world, feminine feel to it. It has a burgundy red accent wall, three awesome prints that we picked up in New Orleans, burgundy silk curtains, a couch, and a wall of shelves with lots of little treasures. My bathroom has ZERO counter space, so it’s difficult to put on makeup or to pick out a necklace and earrings, etc.

I was so excited to find this adorable little dressing table with all of its drawers, and the matching mirror and bench! I took a closer look at the dressing table and noticed that it had a beautiful scalloped skirt and wood wheels. I thought - Hmmmm... My great grandma's furniture has wood wheels, I wonder if this is old and maybe even valuable. But either way, it was just what I wanted and it was FREE! I love a bargain and I love Antiques Roadshow! Frequently when I am watching it I will ask DK to come in to the den and watch a segment. Then I say something like "See, one of those things that I brought home could be worth a million dollars!" DK just looks at me, and I suspect that the look says "That junk? Dream on!" Any of you who know me in real life know that I am an incurable collector of all sorts of stuff, especially vintage and antique telephones.

Back to the soaking wet furniture. I loaded the three pieces into Bumble and took it home. It sat in the spare room for a few weeks, drying out. Last weekend I felt super motivated to get things done around the house, so I decided to work on restoring it to its original glory. As I was pounding on one of the table wheels with a hammer to remove it, I heard a "clink" type noise. I looked around and noticed that a penny had fallen out of the table frame. Guess what the date on it was? 1944! So that doesn't mean that the table is truly old, but I think it supports my theory. I like to look at the table, mirror and bench and think of all the places they have been and all the people they have seen.

I replaced the wood drawer pulls with beautiful crystal and brass knobs and gave everything a good cleaning. I fixed the mirror frame (it was in 6 pieces) the best I could without the proper supplies and tools. I considered getting a new piece of mirror cut, but I like the way the old mirror is flaking and worn looking. I went to home depot and had a new piece of wood cut for the bench and recovered the seat in the same burgundy silk as the curtains with a crystal trim.

What do you think? I am very pleased with the finished product. :)

Hell

This is what I looked like in high school. Yes, that is a wig, but other than that isn't it odd how I don't look much different? I have gained about 20 (ok - 30) pounds. That photo was taken about 12 years ago. I am glad that I can laugh at myself.

Snake Bite Key

A while back I read a book by Jimmy Buffett of all people. It is called Tales From Margaritville. It is a great collection of short stories and a perfect summer read. I fell in love with this place in the book called Snake Bite Key. It is a wonderful little island off the gulf coast that is full of fun, adventure, relaxation and a colorful cast of characters. I wish I lived there. It seems like the perfect place for me. So if you read the book and think "Hey that sounds like Thistown, USA" let me know!

Another Book
I also read Under the Banner of Heaven, A Story of Violent Faith by Jon Krakauer. I think that a lot of people hate this guy and I can't remember why, but I found the book to be very interesting. It is like a portal into a world (the FLDS) that many of us don't even know exists, and certainly will never see. I still have this book so if I know you in real life and you want to borrow it, let me know.

Related Posts:
Warren Jeffs: It sucks to be you! - 8/29/06
Dear Warren Jeffs, - 5/12/06

Monk-e-mail

I am such a dork. I freaking love this! Monkeys are so funny and when you combine them with urinals and electronic voices it is enough to make you pee your pants!

http://www.careerbuilder.com/monk-e-mail

Smoking & Bumble

I quit smoking about 12 days ago. It actually isn't as bad as I thought it would be. I feel solid in my resolve to keep it up.

I am going to use all of the money that I am saving on ciggs to buy stuff for my Bumble! (See pic - it's my car.) I want to get a new weather stripping kit so she won't leak anymore, a new horn so I can honk at all of the evil bitches in minivans and Camaros (no offense to the considerate minivan and Camaro drivers), and new interior panels. I can't wait till it warms up a bit and stays light out longer so I can spend more time fixing Bumble up!

Back to the horn. The other day some psycho in a minivan cut me off while I was driving Bumble. It was pretty bad; she zoomed by me going about 45 on a city street and immediately slammed on the breaks right in front of me. Guess what was hanging in the back window? Yep, a "Baby on Board" sign! I don't have kids, but if I did, I would do everything I could to keep them from being involved in a collision with a 1971 Transporter. Bumble is pretty much just a giant steel box on wheels! Put up against a bubble shaped fiberglass/aluminum piece of crap on wheels (minivan), I think Bumble would win. So since my horn doesn't work, I just scream at people. (The screaming has increased since I quit smoking.) I am pretty sure that they can't hear me, but it makes me feel better.

Related posts:
Little Miss Sunshine - 7/19/06
Camping - 6/14/06
Cars and Bumble Love - 4/17/06
Wanted: Pop Rivet Gun - 3/22/06
Shiny New Things - 3/02/06
Watch Out Bitches! - 2/28/06

The family jewels

So I think I should quit my day job and become a private investigator. A while back, a bunch of jewelry was stolen from my mom's house. I was able to track down one piece (the most important piece) over a year later. (It took us that long to realize it was missing.) It took some work, but it was mostly just luck. Also twice I have chased down hit and run drivers. Why do people hit and run? It is so mean! Do you think I would be a good PI? I don't want to carry a gun though, maybe just a tazer.