Guess who?

Can you guess who the man in this computer generated image is?

Click here to find out.

A nation obsessed & checkout counter impulse buying

I will be the first to admit that I find celebrity gossip and news interesting. I subscribe to Us Weekly. Occasionally, I will buy other magazines if they catch my eye at the checkout counter.* But I was shocked to find this statistic on MSN Entertainment. The top four People Magazine issues by sales:

1. 9/11 (4.1 million issues)
2. The death of Princess Diana (3 million)
3. The death of John F. Kennedy Jr. (2.8 million)
4. The Joile-Pitt twins (2.6 million)

I guess Americans like death and babies. Interesting. I can't even fathom how the Joile-Pitt twins can even make it onto the top 10 list with these other events. Wow. For the record, I did not buy the People issue with them on the cover. I'm kind of boycotting them. Not because I have negative feelings about them, just because I'm totally sick of hearing about them and seeing them. I also feel this way about Paris Hilton and the Cruise's.

*Checkout counter tangent:
I am the person - the consumer - that checkout counter impulse merchandising was designed for. I cannot remember the last time that I went to the store and didn't add at least one thing to my cart at the checkout counter.

The other day I was in the 8 items or less express line and I had 8 items. By the time it was my turn, I had 11. In the few short minutes I stood in line, I added a Hershey bar with almonds and two packs of gum to my basket. (By the way, my husband ate the Hershey bar while I was sleeping!) I looked at the checker and said, "I'm not cheating! I had 8 items when I got in line. These don't count." I was defensive about it because once he told me to get out of the 15 items or less line because I had 16 items. Yes, he actually counted and kicked me out of line. I was so embarrassed and offended. Plus, on the trip where I got booted from the fast lane, I had two avocados in my cart and I think that counts as one item because the Checkout-Nazi only needs to type in the code for avocados once. I know some of you disagree. Bring on the debate!

The other thing that I frequently and impulsively buy at the checkout counter is recipe booklets. You know, lots of the major food companies like Betty Crocker and Pillsbury publish them. They are little paperback cookbooks featuring recipes using their products and they have themes like Crockpot cooking, casseroles or appetizers. I am not really sure why I buy these, but I do.

Smokin: ur doin it rong

I haven't smoked since Saturday. That's two and a half days or 58 hours and 35 minutes to be exact. (You can look at the counter above the blog post section for an up to date count.) Prior to Saturday I was only smoking about half a cigarette a day, but I blew it on Saturday. I was sitting outside all evening and that is difficult. But I only had about three cigarettes on Saturday, so that's still a huge improvement over a month ago.

The ten year reunion

Yep, it's that time of the decade. My 10 year reunion is scheduled for October.

So this is the deal. I was a total outcast in high school. I had a small group of friends (the stoners). With the exception of the stoners and the ESL kids, no one was nice to me. I didn’t even graduate with this class, I graduated a year early and from another school.

So why am I even considering going? Good question! I am asking myself the same thing and this is what I have come up with. Two reasons: curiosity and The Mustard Seed. Let’s start with the obvious, it’s being held at The Mustard Seed. It would be hard to pass that up. I love the Seed! And of course I’m curious about how all of those popular people turned out. It helps that my husband is smart, hot and charming. It would be fun to show him off.

Buzz kill! I just read the info on the reunion web site and I have to say, my bubble has been burst.

Here is the schedule:

Friday night: Snacks, beverages and a slideshow at The Mustard Seed then trek up to the high school to cheer on the football team for the homecoming game. BARF!!!!! Are you kidding me? I didn’t go to games in high school. Why would I go now? No spouses allowed. Lame. $85

Saturday night: Food at the art museum, spouses allowed. $165! WTF?!?!? Why are they charging so much money?

In the process of writing this post I went from wanting to go to being pretty sure that I am not going to go. Also, I am not even sure why I got the email announcing it since I didn’t graduate with them and therefore am not on the alumni list.

What would you do?

Chantix

Well, I have been taking Chantix for about two and a half weeks now. It really is working. I don't crave nicotine anymore. I am no longer addicted to it. Even when I do smoke, I don't absorb any nicotine. Right now I am just focusing on breaking the habit of smoking. Sometimes I think I want to smoke, but if I light one, I don't really want it. It's a really strange feeling. It's like I am craving something, but I don't know what it is.

The down side to Chantix is that there are a few side effects. Most importantly, I am incredibly nauseas. I have been reading about this online and this is what other Chantix users are saying: (My comments are in parentheses.)

1. Take it with a full meal, not just some food.
   (Ok - this is hard, because I am supposed to take it first thing in the morning and again before bed time. Who wants to eat a full meal at either of those times?)
2. Cut each pill in half and take a half every four hours with a little food.
   (This seems like a good idea, but it is working so well, I am hesitant to mess with the dosage. I guess I should call my doctor and ask her.)
3. It only lasts for the first few weeks.
   (This was a huge relief to read. I hope the nausea goes away soon for me too.)
4. Many people lose weight while quitting with Chantix.
   (Duh! Because you don't want to eat!)

Also, the dreams have been an issue for me. I have horrible dreams that seem to last all night and they feel very real. A lot of times when I wake up I don't know what was real or what was a dream. Combine this with my existing sleep apnea and this girl is hardly sleeping at all. That sucks, but you know what? I have to say that it's worth it. I never thought anything would help me quit and I really think this is. And keep this in mind, recently, I have been thinking and saying that I can't live with the fatigue from sleep apnea; something has to change because I just can't handle feeling this way anymore. So now I am sleeping worse, but it is worth it. I can't explain it, it just is.

Yesterday, I didn't smoke at all until I got off work at 5:00 pm. I am shooting for 6:00 pm today. I hope to never smoke again starting on September first, but until then, if I am out with friends and want one, I will have one and not beat myself up about it. This is the way the doctors recommend quitting with Chantix.

Also, alcohol overrides the effects of Chantix.

I will post about this again when I go a whole day without smoking.

Weirdipedia

Strange disorders from Wikipedia:

Pica (Eating weird stuff)
Rapunzel syndrome (Eating hair)
Bezoar (The real name for a hairball - I had no idea that humans could get hairballs! I guess you can if you have Rapunzel syndrome. I wonder if humans make the same noise as cats do when they have a hairball. If we ever get another cat I want to name it Bezoar.)

What a morning!

How has your morning been? Mine has been, well... interesting.

I called Cigna, my health insurance provider today to see what is taking them so long to approve a CPAP machine for my sleep apnea. I dialed the 800 number and hear heavy breathing and groaning. It sounded something like this... (My comments are in parentheses.)

(Low pitched) Ahhh, ahhh, aaaaaaa, aaaaaa, ahhh, aaaaaaa, aaaaaa, ahhh, aaaaaaa, aaaaaa, ahhh, aaaaaaa, aaaaaa, ahhh, aaaaaaa, aaaaaa, ahhh, aaaaaaa, aaaaaa, ahhh, aaaaaaa, aaaaaa, ahhh, aaaaaaa, aaaaaa, ahhh, (getting higher pitched) aaaaaaa, aaaaaa, ahhh, aaaaaaa, aaaaaa, ahhh, aaaaaaa, aaaaaa, ahhh, (very high pitched) aaaaaaa, aaaaaa, ahhh, aaaaaaa, aaaaaa, (all out screaming) OH BABY! YES! YES! YES! OH BABY! HARDER!

EEK! At this moment I realize that Cigna probably hasn't changed their automated menu options to "press one for a fake orgasm". Holy crap! I dialed a phone sex hotline! It turns out the Cigna member services phone number is one digit away from a phone sex 800 number!

So I have a few questions for all of you out there.

1. Who calls phone sex hotlines anyways? I didn't even know they still existed! Isn't that what the Internet is for?
2. Do 900 numbers still exist?
3. How do 800 phone sex lines bill you? I am guessing you have to enter a credit card.

I CAREFULLY redialed the Cigna phone number and when an agent answered I said "You know what? I just have to tell you this. If you misdial your 800 number by one digit..." She bursts out laughing, I didn't even have to finish my sentence and she said "I KNOW! I had an elderly gentleman call recently and tell me that he had misdialed and heard heavy breathing."

Update: It seems that all of you perverts out there want the phone number, so here it is. (I also added the Cigna number so that you can see how close they are.)

1-800-244-6224 (Cigna member services)
1-800-224-6224 (Phone sex hotline)

Enjoy!

The Pampered Pet

I thought this slide show, "Pet Pampering Gone Wild" was really funny. All 18 slides are worth looking at, but I especially like slides 2, 7, 13, and 15.

Seriously, who buys a sex toy for their dog?!?!?! Eewwwwwwwwww.

I'm back

Vacation was fun, but it's good to be home. This is the one and only photo I took on my trip: