Yay!

I GOT A JOB!

Vacation

VEGAS BABY!

She's f---ing Matt Damon!

I haz talented kitteh!

This morning my cat Chloe did a somersault. Gymnastic Kitty! No joke. I don’t know how or why she did it, but she did.

Every morning Chloe follows me into the bathroom and does this little routine where she flops down on the bath mat and rolls all around and then she gets up and does it again and she will do it over and over as long as someone is watching her. Today when she went to flop down she put her head down first. I think the sheer weight of her butt made it flop over backwards and boom! There it was. A somersault.

Holy Crap

File under:

• Can't sing
• Can't dance
• Has fake boobs

Dear Heidi,

If you are reading this, please consider this tidbit of advice... Stick to being a d-list "reality" "star". I honestly think if you video taped me singing karaoke to "Baby Got Back" it would be better than this. At least it would be funny.