Gym Update - 7/30/07

I went to the gym 4 times last week.

FurReal Friends

Ok - So I saw this new toy on the internet today. Watch the promo video here.

Check out the warning on Amazon.com:
"Adults take note: Pony comes unassembled in box with head detatched. You may wish to not open the box around your children if they may be frightened by a box with a decapitated horse inside."
(Source = Last bullet point under Product Features.)

Ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Of course your little one is going to be scared by a decapitated horse! Haven't you ever seen The Godfather? Decapitated horses are fucking scary!

Gym Update - 7/23/07

I only went to the gym twice last week. We were super busy with our friend's wedding. I am going to go 4 times this week to make up for it.

Also, look for a measurement update on Friday!

Super Glue

Guess what happened to me tonight! I got super glue on my tongue. Yep, super glue on my tongue. You may be wondering how this happened.

My sunglasses broke. No big deal right? I can just super glue them back together. Super glue can fix anything!

In the 80's, my dad was way ahead of his time. He used to use (and probably still does) super glue to close cuts. Guess what they do now in hospitals. They close wounds with a super glue like substance. I bet it stings a lot less than the real thing though.

Back to the sunglasses... so I open a fresh tube of super glue. You know how you have to use the little pokey thing on the top of the cap to puncture the seal? Well, I did that. Then I capped the tube while I was reassembling my sunglasses. When I got the lense back in I grabbed the tube of super glue with one hand, sunglasses in the other. I bit the cap and twisted the tube to open it. Somewhere in there I touched my tongue to the end of the cap, the pokey end that I had just used to puncture the seal, thus contaminating it with super glue. As soon as I felt the glue spread onto my tongue I rubbed my tongue against the back of my front teeth. Bad idea! Now I have super glue on my tongue and my teeth! I read the label and it has all these warnings about what to do if you get it in your eyes, on your skin, on you clothes, etc. but nothing about what to do if you get it in your mouth.

I hope it doesn’t cause memory loss, dementia, insanity or anything crazy like that...

There are 1023 toothpicks on the floor.
Satan wants to meet you...
and your mom!
It tastes like burning.
I see dead people.
You know who I am? Do you know who I am sucka? I'm your worst nightmare.

Just kidding! Did you think I went nuts from super glue poisoning? Ha ha haaaaaaaaa!

Gym Update + Measurement Day - 7/13/07

I went to the gym 3 times this week.

I also got measured. Bad news... Up 2 inches! Damn! How did that happen? Oh well, it's not that much, just a half an inch on 4 different spots. But I have been busting my ass so to GAIN inches is frustrating. I am going to work really hard for the next 2 weeks and get measured again. Those inches had better be gone and while they are at it, they can take some of their friends with them!!!

Ashley Simpson

Does this look like me?
Nuclear Toast posted a link to create your own Simpsons Avatar!
How cool is that?

My Super Sweet Sixteen

You stupid mother fuckers.

Do you have any idea how it feels like to…

• be happy that Ramen is on sale for 10 for a dollar? That means that you can eat 2 meals a day for almost a week for one dollar. You can now pay your bills.
• sleep in your ski parka? Not that you can afford to ski, you just have to sleep in it because you can’t afford heat.
• go to constructions sites to collect scrap wood to keep your place warm because you can’t afford heat.
• cry because the cheese in the fridge molded and you can’t afford the $3 to buy more? They say not to cry over spilled milk, but when you have NOTHING, milk, cheese, whatever – it’s worth crying over.
• hear your door open and worry that someone has come to get you, abduct you, attack you, only to realize that it’s just a neighborhood dog with a wet nose that pushed the door open because you forgot to lock it? It was only scary because you were 8, and home alone because your mom is out working her ass off to provide food for you.

You complain and throw a fit to your parents because you didn’t get the $100,000 car for your SIXTEENTH birthday. Try working in a hot office as a receptionist for less than five dollars an hour at age 15 to save up $1,500 for a shitty car that burns to the ground less than one month later. That’s 333.333333333 hours of long hard work for a shitty car that you only had for a month. What is the worst thing about that? You have to worry about how you are going to get to school and work with no car.

So you are worried that your THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLAR BIRTHDAY PARTY isn’t good enough?

Well, I have one thing to say...

FUCK YOU!

Sincerely,
Ash

Gym Update 7/10/07

I went to the gym 3 times last week.

Crazy Shit from Dear Margo

OMG - WTF?

----------------------------------------------

Better Luck Next Time, Sonny

DEAR MARGO: I have a problem. I am in high school, and I'm in love with two women. Even worse, they happen to be my girlfriend and her mother. I don't know what to do. I love my girlfriend's fresh, youthful outlook on life, but at the same time, I find her mother's intelligence very stimulating. Also, not to be crude, but the sex with the mother is amazing.

I really cannot choose between the two, and my girlfriend thankfully has no idea that I am intimate with her mother, although the mother is well aware that I am dating her daughter. We live in an affluent community where everybody knows his or her neighbor's business, so I am also constantly afraid that we will soon be exposed.

Lately, it has become obvious to me that I have to end one of the relationships, but I don't know which one! The mother has suggested running away to Mexico with me, but I really want to stay here and finish school. What should I do?

--- DOUBLE TROUBLE IN DENVER

DEAR DOUB: I think you should go back to your homework and leave the bodice-rippers to experienced writers.

--- MARGO, SUSPICIOUSLY

Source

July Announcements

Happy Wedding Day to:
CA & BS, soon to be C&BA - 7/21/07!!!!

Happy Birthday to:
JR - 7/20
HW - 7/29

Happy Anniversary to:
S&BB - 7/7 - Married since 2001
A&DK - 7/28 - Together since 2001
C&PM - 7/30 - Married since 2005

Gym Update - 7/2/07

I went to the gym 3 times last week.
It's going to be hard to make it 3 times this week because of the holiday.