Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Pinky’s Public Urination at the "Lobster Shack"

Last night Chris, Bri and I were at a bar/restaurant on the Eastside that I will call the “Lobster Shack” for happy hour. We are standing outside and 3 people walk out of the front door: two women, probably between 35 & 45 and a boy, around 8 years old. At first glance they looked like they were all together. All of a sudden one of the women (I’ll call her “Pinky” because she was wearing a hot pink track suit) dropped her pants and underwear and started peeing all over the front porch of the Lobster Shack! I was facing Pinky and Bri was facing me. My jaw DROPPED. Bri looks at me with a concerned look and all I can say is “Oh my god – that woman just dropped trou!” We all look over and she is peeing everywhere and screaming “Fuck you! You over served me! Fuck you all!” like a complete maniac.

The woman with the little boy covers his eyes and quickly escorts him to the car. I am looking past Pinky into the Lobster Shack to see if anyone inside is seeing this. A few employees come out and tell her that the cops are on the way and she is going to jail for this. She tries to stand up from her squatting position and pull up her drawers but instead she falls strait into her puddle of pee! I know it’s mean to laugh – but it was so freaking funny when she fell into her own pee!

Then Pinky comes stumbling into the parking lot where we are standing. The employees follow her and try to keep her there by blocking her exit routes. Pinky takes a swing at one of the employees but only connects lightly with her arm. I guess it’s hard to hit someone in the face when you are seeing double. Chris rushes over and gets between the two of them. Everyone tells Pinky to just stay put and calm down. At this point we don’t know if she has a car there or what she might do next.

Pinky continues to stumble all over the parking lot and up an embankment towards the street screaming that she was over served, that she is the husband of a cop, yes, that’s what she said, and a bunch of other nonsense. She walks strait out into the street, not even looking with all of us in tow. Even though she is a total nightmare I still don’t want her to get hit by a car. All of a sudden we see the first cop car; we wave our arms to flag it down. One officer goes after Pinky. Next thing we know there are about 4 or 5 cop cars. They chase her down (not a hard thing to do in her condition) and cuff her. She is covered in pee. They ask us what we saw and if we would be willing to write a statement. We agree. In my statement I just had to include the detail of her falling in her pee. Whoever types up my statement will probably have a good laugh at that part.

I feel bad for her because her life seems like a total mess, but I also don’t because she tried to hit people and seems to have some type of substance abuse problems that she should be getting help for instead of running around stalking people, getting wasted and peeing all over the place.

The three of us got a round of drinks on the house for sticking with the employees through the whole ordeal. They said that she had one glass of wine, ordered a second which they took away when she started yelling FUCK at the TV. She started out at the bar across the street and they cut her off. I guess she ended up at the Lobster Shack because she was stalking some guy that is a regular there. She kept asking him (in a much less polite way) if he wanted to take her home see her lady parts. Well, I can tell you this – she is not a lady and her lady parts aren’t anything special because I saw them with my own eyes.

The end.


Bri said...

Last night was so random. THinking back it was pretty funny. She fell in her own piss....

bladio said...

Jeeminy! at first, i thought she was mad about being overserved "lobster" and was too full.

sad for her, but funny for us!

NuclearToast said...

That's why I love hanging around with you, Ash, you always frequent such high-class establishments!

CJK said...

I have GOT to start coming out with you on Tuesdays! Fist the pimp, and now a peeing lady! Who knew the eastside could be so entertaining.