She needs some more pushing...

Hey Bri! Where's that blog we are all waiting for?

P.S. You know when I want something I am a like a pit bull. I won't let go! So you are going to get a reminder every week until we see that blog!

Gym update - 8/20/07

I went 3 times last week. Blah blah blah.

To Bri or not to Bri - There is NO question.

Last night we were at the bar playing poker (I got second place by the way! Yay!) and something very strange happened to Bri. She said to me "Gee, I really wish I had a blog so I could write about that for everyone in the whole world to read." Ok - those weren't her exact words, but that was the long and short of it. I told her to make a blog! (Or at the very least type up the story she wants to tell so she can be a guest blogger on Professor Unc.) Wouldn't we all love it if Bri had her own blog?!?!

What I need from you loyal (or occasional) readers is to comment on this post. I want everyone to comment, even if you have been lurking on this blog anonymously and blog stocking me. (And I know I have some blog stockers out there!) Now is the time to come forward and show your support for Bri. She has millions of things to say that we all want to hear!

So do it now! Post a comment to force - I mean encourage – her to start her own blog! Also, you should suggest a title for her blog, just to give her some ideas to start with. My suggestions are: “To Bri or not to Bri” and “The Leprechaun Cartel”.

Damn! Damn! Damn!!!!!!!!!

As you may know I love the show John from Cincinnati. They canceled it! Damn HBO!

Gym update - 8/14/07

I went to the gym 3 times last week.

How I Found a German Kid - Update

UPDATE! Andreas the German kid emailed me! He is back in Seattle! I have no idea how he got my email but it was so nice to hear from him. I may have had the same email address back then, but I'm not sure.

Real life friends: I will have to have a party at our house and invite him over for all of you to meet. You have all heard so many stories about him!

Here's his email - I blanked out some parts for privacy:

Hi Ashley,

How are you? I don't know if you still know me but I lived in your house in 1999 when I was interning at **** USA Inc. in the ******* office in Kirkland and just wanted to say hi as I am in Seattle again.

I'm doing a trainee program in the U District for 4 months at a company called *******************. Are you still living in the same place as then? I've been to Bellevue Square yesterday but I couldn't remember the street you're living in... How's Tyler doing? And are you married now? Many questions...

Andreas

What a morning!

I woke up at 7:00 am this morning because I felt something on my face. (Our alarm goes off at 7:45.) I opened my eyes and saw a big black splotch in my vision. I gave my head a shake and the thing flew off onto Abe’s arm. I squinted and saw the outline of a black spider with super long legs. I let out a shriek and David woke up and grabbed it and flushed it down the toilet. What can I say, he’s my hero! He said it was a daddy long legs, but I am not so sure. It was hard for me to tell because I didn’t have my glasses on and that leaves me nearly legally blind. I can’t stop thinking about where it was before I woke up. Was it climbing around in my hair? Did it take a peek in my ear? (Raggedy Angst?!?!) Was it in my mouth? Ewwwww.

I left my laptop at work last night. On the rare occasion that I don’t bring it home with me, I lock it in a file cabinet under my desk. I got to work this morning and tried unlocking the drawer. It wouldn’t unlock! Shit, shit, shit! I can’t work without my laptop. My coworker Tuong tried it and couldn’t get it to open either. He has the same type of file cabinet under his desk so we studied the lock mechanism on his. Get this… He grabs a chopstick and pulls the drawer as far as he can with it locked, sticks the chopstick in and pushes it around until the lock mechanism opened! Can you freaking believe that? He rescued my laptop with a chopstick! Ha ha haaaaaaa! I am not going to use that file cabinet any more.

That has been my day so far. Yikes.

Awesome store!

As you may know I love strange things like plush monsters and Japanese stationary.

Today I found this awesome store. It has some great stuff like the:

• Loveable Robot with Headphones (Seen in photo above.)
• Robot Hand Towel
• Egg Pirate Stationary & Sticker Set
• Kitty'Eye
• Wee Ninja
• And TONS of other awesome plush!
  

Slightly unrelated, but I found this today: The Official Michael Vick Dog Chew Toy!

Loaner

In response to Raggedy Angst...

I used to hate loaning out Tupperware - you know when you send someone home with leftovers. But now we have the disposable type for leftovers and I could care less if someone returns it. We also have really nice Tupperware that is made of glass. I don't like microwaving plastic even if it was meant for that. I feel like it might be toxic.

I also don’t loan out books unless I am OK with not getting them back. Unless it is to a book lover like Bladio that I KNOW will be careful with it and give it back.

Money – if you loan money you have to expect to never get it back.

Gym Update - 8/7/07

I went three times last week. Blah blah blah.

August Announcements

Happy Anniversary to:
H&DK - 8/21 - Married since 1966?!

Hilarious from "I can has cheezburger?"

Gym Update - 7/30/07

I went to the gym 4 times last week.

FurReal Friends

Ok - So I saw this new toy on the internet today. Watch the promo video here.

Check out the warning on Amazon.com:
"Adults take note: Pony comes unassembled in box with head detatched. You may wish to not open the box around your children if they may be frightened by a box with a decapitated horse inside."
(Source = Last bullet point under Product Features.)

Ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Of course your little one is going to be scared by a decapitated horse! Haven't you ever seen The Godfather? Decapitated horses are fucking scary!

Gym Update - 7/23/07

I only went to the gym twice last week. We were super busy with our friend's wedding. I am going to go 4 times this week to make up for it.

Also, look for a measurement update on Friday!

Super Glue

Guess what happened to me tonight! I got super glue on my tongue. Yep, super glue on my tongue. You may be wondering how this happened.

My sunglasses broke. No big deal right? I can just super glue them back together. Super glue can fix anything!

In the 80's, my dad was way ahead of his time. He used to use (and probably still does) super glue to close cuts. Guess what they do now in hospitals. They close wounds with a super glue like substance. I bet it stings a lot less than the real thing though.

Back to the sunglasses... so I open a fresh tube of super glue. You know how you have to use the little pokey thing on the top of the cap to puncture the seal? Well, I did that. Then I capped the tube while I was reassembling my sunglasses. When I got the lense back in I grabbed the tube of super glue with one hand, sunglasses in the other. I bit the cap and twisted the tube to open it. Somewhere in there I touched my tongue to the end of the cap, the pokey end that I had just used to puncture the seal, thus contaminating it with super glue. As soon as I felt the glue spread onto my tongue I rubbed my tongue against the back of my front teeth. Bad idea! Now I have super glue on my tongue and my teeth! I read the label and it has all these warnings about what to do if you get it in your eyes, on your skin, on you clothes, etc. but nothing about what to do if you get it in your mouth.

I hope it doesn’t cause memory loss, dementia, insanity or anything crazy like that...

There are 1023 toothpicks on the floor.
Satan wants to meet you...
and your mom!
It tastes like burning.
I see dead people.
You know who I am? Do you know who I am sucka? I'm your worst nightmare.

Just kidding! Did you think I went nuts from super glue poisoning? Ha ha haaaaaaaaa!

Gym Update + Measurement Day - 7/13/07

I went to the gym 3 times this week.

I also got measured. Bad news... Up 2 inches! Damn! How did that happen? Oh well, it's not that much, just a half an inch on 4 different spots. But I have been busting my ass so to GAIN inches is frustrating. I am going to work really hard for the next 2 weeks and get measured again. Those inches had better be gone and while they are at it, they can take some of their friends with them!!!

Ashley Simpson

Does this look like me?
Nuclear Toast posted a link to create your own Simpsons Avatar!
How cool is that?

My Super Sweet Sixteen

You stupid mother fuckers.

Do you have any idea how it feels like to…

• be happy that Ramen is on sale for 10 for a dollar? That means that you can eat 2 meals a day for almost a week for one dollar. You can now pay your bills.
• sleep in your ski parka? Not that you can afford to ski, you just have to sleep in it because you can’t afford heat.
• go to constructions sites to collect scrap wood to keep your place warm because you can’t afford heat.
• cry because the cheese in the fridge molded and you can’t afford the $3 to buy more? They say not to cry over spilled milk, but when you have NOTHING, milk, cheese, whatever – it’s worth crying over.
• hear your door open and worry that someone has come to get you, abduct you, attack you, only to realize that it’s just a neighborhood dog with a wet nose that pushed the door open because you forgot to lock it? It was only scary because you were 8, and home alone because your mom is out working her ass off to provide food for you.

You complain and throw a fit to your parents because you didn’t get the $100,000 car for your SIXTEENTH birthday. Try working in a hot office as a receptionist for less than five dollars an hour at age 15 to save up $1,500 for a shitty car that burns to the ground less than one month later. That’s 333.333333333 hours of long hard work for a shitty car that you only had for a month. What is the worst thing about that? You have to worry about how you are going to get to school and work with no car.

So you are worried that your THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLAR BIRTHDAY PARTY isn’t good enough?

Well, I have one thing to say...

FUCK YOU!

Sincerely,
Ash

Gym Update 7/10/07

I went to the gym 3 times last week.

Crazy Shit from Dear Margo

OMG - WTF?

----------------------------------------------

Better Luck Next Time, Sonny

DEAR MARGO: I have a problem. I am in high school, and I'm in love with two women. Even worse, they happen to be my girlfriend and her mother. I don't know what to do. I love my girlfriend's fresh, youthful outlook on life, but at the same time, I find her mother's intelligence very stimulating. Also, not to be crude, but the sex with the mother is amazing.

I really cannot choose between the two, and my girlfriend thankfully has no idea that I am intimate with her mother, although the mother is well aware that I am dating her daughter. We live in an affluent community where everybody knows his or her neighbor's business, so I am also constantly afraid that we will soon be exposed.

Lately, it has become obvious to me that I have to end one of the relationships, but I don't know which one! The mother has suggested running away to Mexico with me, but I really want to stay here and finish school. What should I do?

--- DOUBLE TROUBLE IN DENVER

DEAR DOUB: I think you should go back to your homework and leave the bodice-rippers to experienced writers.

--- MARGO, SUSPICIOUSLY

Source

July Announcements

Happy Wedding Day to:
CA & BS, soon to be C&BA - 7/21/07!!!!

Happy Birthday to:
JR - 7/20
HW - 7/29

Happy Anniversary to:
S&BB - 7/7 - Married since 2001
A&DK - 7/28 - Together since 2001
C&PM - 7/30 - Married since 2005

Gym Update - 7/2/07

I went to the gym 3 times last week.
It's going to be hard to make it 3 times this week because of the holiday.

That weird rolly cage

Deluxe Cat Condo

Some of you are curious about the "weird rolly cage" that Bri mentioned in the comments of my last post, Right Place, Wrong Time.

Yeah - Mac had a giant cage on wheels. My mom called it the "Cat Condo". I guess "cage" sounded kind of harsh to her. Mac wasn’t allowed outside so she would roll the cat condo up to the sliding glass door with the sliding door open and the door to the cat condo open so he could go in to the cat condo and enjoy the fresh air. Sometimes she would close the cat condo door and roll him out onto the deck to keep us company if we were having dinner outside. But if we were sitting out there he would just stare at us. (Probably trying to think of a way out of the cat condo so he could kill one of us.)

I actually bought the cat condo 11 years ago when Chloe was a kitten. My other cat Fuzzy was older (and much bigger than Chloe) and was always trying to kick her ass. I bought the cat condo so that I could put Chloe in there while I was at work and she would be safe.

At some point I didn't want it any more so I gave it to my mom. Then, last year when Fuzzy had knee surgery and had to be contained for 2-3 months I used the condo again! This time I laid it on its side (with the shelves removed) and attached it to a large piece of plywood that I added wheels to. It was nice because we could have her in the den with us and when we needed to vacuum or something like that we could just roll her into another room. Also, the cat condo on its side is about 3x4 feet, so it was much larger than most of the other cages that you find at the pet store and the whole plywood with wheels set up was only about $30. To buy a cage that size we would have paid hundreds of dollars!

Let me know if you ever want to borrow it.

Right Place, Wrong Time.

I just read a post on the gallivanting monkey that reminded me of something that I did a few years back.

My mom had this cat named Mac that had cancer. He was hanging in there but needed to be medicated with human chemo drugs and human steroids twice daily. (We cut the pills up so they were the right dose.)

My mom had been pilling him with this cocktail for a year or so trying to prolong his life while he was still not in pain. She had the pilling down. Mac was a really mean cat - even before the cancer. He would tear into you any chance he got. Mom had this pilling system to avoid trips to the emergency room. These are the steps:

1. Take a large bath towel and drop it on Mac.


2. Wrap Mac in the towel like a baby.


3. Grab the oval cat bed and lay the swaddled Mac in the bed.


4. Pull the edges of the bed around the swaddled Mac.


5. Grab a bungee cord (no, this is not a joke) and hook it around the swaddled Mac and the oval bed.


6. What you have now is a Mac taco. Yes, a cat taco. Mac can't get his paws out so he can't scratch you while you are pilling him. Also, you can lay the Mac taco on the counter or table so you have both hands free for pilling. If you have ever pilled a cat you know how important this is.

My mom was going out of town for a week or two and I was on Mac duty. That meant coming over twice a day to pill him, feed him and scoop his litter box. My duty was to start on a Wednesday. I wake up on Saturday morning and realize that I have totally spaced out and have not pilled or fed Mac for 3 days! OMG - I probably just killed my mom's cat, how am I going to tell her? I have to rush over there and see if I can get him to the emergency vet if he's still alive. Shit, shit, shit, shit! I am normally so responsible - what happened? What was I thinking?

I jump in my car in my PJs and haul ass to my mom's house. I open the garage and bust through the door into the kitchen expecting the worst.

But what do I find? My mom, coffee mug in hand, standing in the kitchen in her robe looking at me like I am a complete maniac. WTF?

I was off by a week. OMG - I was off by a week. She wasn't leaving until the next week! Yay! Mac is alive and well! I didn't kill him. The end.

Gym Update - 6/22/07

I went to the gym 4 times this week. Since I have gone four times per week for the last two weeks, that makes up for the two weeks before that when I only went twice per week.

Public Service Announcement: Fish + Microwave = BAD!

Please do not bring fish to work for lunch. Please enjoy seafood at home. If you do bring fish to work, please do not microwave it! Yuck! This whole fucking place reeks of fish. Damn you fish eater!

Meme dos: Karma

The year is 2020. My husband DK and I are retired and raising our twin ten year olds Cassidy (girl) and Elliott (boy). I opened my own no-kill animal shelter that I help run and I also volunteer at the Seattle Children’s Hospital as a board game buddy and a puppeteer. DK works on ideas for new businesses and inventions. We split our time primarily between our tropical island home and our northwest island home.

Our kids are wonderful. They are sweet, friendly, kind, generous, healthy, smart, and confident. They are really cool kids. They are good kids and lead responsible, fun lives and they are not at all concerned with status, material things or fitting in. They have admirable dreams and aspirations but they also understand the importance of living life to the fullest and not just living to work or succeed.

We were lucky to get two kids at one time. We wanted more than one child, but less than four so twins worked out great. Two kids and only one pregnancy. That was about all DK could take since he was constantly on nacho runs at all hours of the night and day.

We were able to retire in 2007 at the ages of 27 and 30. Everyone always made fun of me for buying lotto tickets, but one day that all changed.

DK and I were lying on the couches one evening zoning out on the TV after a long, hard day at work. The show we were watching was interrupted with breaking news. The excited anchor man on KING-5 reported that the winning Mega Millions lotto ticket was sold at the downtown Bellevue QFC. I glanced over at DK and smiled. That’s where I buy my tickets. More as a joke than anything else I grabbed my ticket out of my wallet. The anchor man read the winning numbers. 9, 3, 6, 27, 30 with a mega ball number of 7. I jump up and down screaming “HOLY FUCKING SHIT we just won! We just won! We just won Mega Millions!” That was the day that we became $300,000,000 dollars richer.

That night we made a list of things to do.

1. Get a good financial advisor
2. Give notice at work
3. Travel
4. Have kids
5. Go back to school
6. Pay off the house
7. Buy a motor home
8. Buy a boat
9. Buy a hot tub
10. Buy houses for our family members
11. Buy crazy gifts for our friends
12. Buy some more houses in places that we love
13. Volunteer for causes that we believe in

We checked the ticket five hundred times and each time the numbers were the same 9, 3, 6, 27, 30, 7. We both called in sick the next day and drove to Olympia, the state capitol and home to the lotto offices with our winning ticket.

The funniest part was that the day I bought that quick pick Mega Millions ticket a rude lady cut in front of me in line at the store. She was also buying a quick pick Mega Millions ticket. The day after we won I took out a full page ad in the Seattle Times. Here is what it said:

“Dear Mean Lady,

You cut in front of me in the lotto line at the Bellevue QFC on 6/20 at around 7:00 pm. You have long black hair and glasses. You pushed your way in front of my cart and bought a quick pick Mega Millions ticket. It was so blatant that even the clerk said that she thought I was in line first. I said not to worry about it; you must be in a rush to go do something important. Well I hope wherever you were going was really, really important because your rudeness and lack of regard for other people cost you $300,000,000. Yep, that’s right, a three with eight zeros trailing behind. 300 million dollars. That ticket would have been yours if you hadn’t cut in line. You know who you are, let this be a lesson to you. One word: Karma.

P.S. Why would anyone pay so much money for a full page ad like this? Why not, I am F@#$%&* LOADED! Ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

John for Cincinnati (Spoiler free)

Do you have HBO? If so, have you been watching John from Cincinnati? I have seen the first 2 episodes and I have to say, I didn’t like the first episode much. At all. But after episode 2, now that’s another story. I am hooked! Hooked like a small fish on 200 pound test! Hooked like yo’ momma standing on her corner, shakin’ her thang! I freaking love it! I especially like Ed O’Neill’s (Al Bundy from Married with Children) character Bill. He is so strange, but so loveable. After the way they left episode 2 I can’t wait for episode 3! I am going to think about it every single day until Sunday.

Has this ever happened to you?

Strange things happen to me. A lot more than to normal people.

Today I was in the restroom at work. Another person walked in and went into the stall next to me. I glanced over and noticed that the person appeared to be wearing men’s pants and shoes. All of a sudden I was thinking “Shit! Did I go into the men’s room on accident?” The answer is no, I was in the ladies room.

This made me think of one time when we were camping at Lake Crescent. Bri and I walk to the bathroom. There were two stalls. One was taken and the other open. I go into the open one and in the stall next to me I can see someone (again, wearing men’s clothes – and like size 15 shoes) lying on the bathroom floor. OMG – is this man dead? So we decide to check it out. We say stuff like “Hey, everything ok over there?” No response. Turns out it was just a really drunk woman in men’s clothing and shoes passed out in the nasty camping bathroom. I can’t remember how it ended but I think one of her friends rescued her.

Clearwater Casino

DK and I went to the Clearwater Casino this weekend. It was really fun! We didn’t win big, but we didn’t lose big either. In my book that’s a win!

The hotel is beautiful. The beds are like giant marshmallows. All white, soft and squishy. Very nice.

Overall it was a great trip. My one complaint was that the hostesses at the steakhouse were very rude. The wait staff was great but those hostesses were horrible. Everything was a one word answer, not helpful at all. Also, one of them was looking at me like I had a giant hairy wart on my face or something. That was interesting because our friends CJK and AJ were looking at the Clearwater as a venue for their upcoming nuptials. They said that the event staff was rude and hard to deal with. (That is the polite version.) Too bad because the Clearwater could have great marks all around if it weren’t for those hostesses and the event staff.

Here is my review:

Hotel: A

Hotel staff: B

Hotel value: B
Steakhouse food: B
Steakhouse wait staff: A
Steakhouse hostesses: F
Steakhouse value: B
Buffet food: C
Buffet staff: B
Buffet value: B

Casino games: A
Casino staff: A
Calculated average grade: C+
Perceived average grade: B

Gym update - 6/15/07 + June Measurements!

I went to the gym 4 times this week! I am trying to make up for the last 2 weeks that I only went twice per week. So next week I am also going to try to go 4 times.

The big news:

I got weighted and measured today. My weight stayed the same but I have lost 3 more inches in the past month! Most importantly I lost 1/2 inch from each arm (upper arm). That’s the one area of my body that I am really unhappy with.

(That's a gold star for me!)

Since I started going to the gym 3 times per week in mid January (exactly 6 months ago) I have lost a total of 14.5 inches! It’s interesting because I have only lost 4 pounds in that same time period so I must be a lot more muscular than I was when I started.

I have not been dieting at all. I eat whatever I want. But my tastes have started to change and I like salad a lot more than I used to. In fact, if I go a few days without a salad I start to crave it! But don't get me wrong I still eat nachos every week and pasta with alfredo sauce and chocolate. I have been trying to control my portions. I am by no means starving myself; I just eat normal sized portions instead of super-size portions. Even cutting my portions in half, I still feel full.

Tracy Morgan - Wasted?

Paris in Jail Spoof

Sheets

We put our new summer sheets on our bed. They are GREAT! 800 thread count baby!

Last fall/winter after the wedding we had all of these gift cards and coupons for the Bon - sorry, Macy's - home store. We decided to get all new sheets. (We registered for the sheets but didn't get the whole set so we spent our gift cards on the items we didn't get.) Sheets and a good bed are really important. If you sleep 8 hours per night you spend 1/3 of your life in bed! After the wedding we also had some cash so we bought a new bed that is AMAZING!

Ok - back to the sheets. We had signed up for a Macy's card when we registered there. With that you get 15% off, plus coupons in the mail. We happened to go in to buy the sheets during the big white sale that they do at Macy's. This is how we got our luxury 800 thread count sheets so cheap:

35% off (White sale discount)

+ 15% off (For having a Macy's card)

+ 20% off (Coupon we got in the mail)

---------------------

70% OFF!

So we ended up getting super nice sheets that we would never normally buy for ourselves for the price of Target sheets that we would normally buy for ourselves! Yay!

We have summer and winter sheets. Flannel for the winter and Jersey knit cotton or fancy 800 thread count sheets for the summer. That's why we have had them for 7 months and just now put them on our bed.

The Meme Begins

Bladio requested that I write 3 fantasy stories about myself. This is the first.

Meme Uno - Captain Ash

I am a marine salvage captain - a modern day treasure hunter. DK and I live on a big salvage vessel called the SS Abrahamious Yetious with all of our friends and we all travel the world in search of our next big find.

The crew assignments are as follows:

Me: Captain. I decide which wrecks to search for and plan the expeditions.

Chris & DK: Technology specialists. They keep all of the high tech equipment running.

Bri: First mate. She helps me keep the ship and crew running efficiently and smoothly.

Brent: Parts specialist. He makes sure that we have all of the parts we need for our ship and equipment.

Ty & Ann: Cooks. They keep us well fed with yummy food.

Carolyn K: Buyer and wine steward. She picks the wine for our dinners and buys all the supplies we will need for each voyage.

AJ: Personal trainer. He keeps us all in good shape.

Richard: Researcher. He finds info and clues to the location of the big booty we are looking for.

Shannon & the Millers: On board writers. They write short stories to keep us all entertained. They also write in the log documenting our journey.

Colin: Mechanic. He fixes shit.

Other Friends: All of our other friends are divers and/or just along for the ride.

We are a happy crew that spends a lot of time enjoying nature and just relaxing. The SS Abrahamious Yetious is the only salvage vessel in the world with a hot tub on deck. We have a pet dolphin named Flipper that lives in a big salt water pool.

None of us have to work but we really enjoy what we do. We are so good at our jobs that we never have any trouble raising funds for our recovery missions. Most of the time we just fund the missions ourselves. We are all loaded because on our first try we found the Spanish Flagship La Capitana which sank off the coast of Ecuador in the mid-17th Century. On that one we raked in truckloads of treasure – gold, silver, jewels and porcelain worth an estimated 3.7 – 7.5 billion dollars. Much of our half went to museums or was donated to charity but there was still plenty left over for all of us.

Update: I thought of something else… We have a little submarine that we use to explore the wrecks before the divers go down. It just so happens that it’s yellow.

We also like to play a little joke on other sailors. When we encounter another ship far out in the ocean we raise the Jolly Roger and blast the cannon and video tape the other crew’s reaction. Yes, we have a cannon. I found it on eBay.

And they all lived happily ever after.

The end.

Gym Update - 6/11/07

I only went to the gym 2 times last week. I was sick. I might try to go 4 times each week for the next 2 weeks since I have only gone twice per week for the last 2 weeks.

Car crash update

They opted to run the accident through their insurance. I am happy with that. It will be an easier process that way. Also, my neck is feeling much better. But now I have a head cold. Sad.

Shadrac gets smacked

On Saturday I was sitting at a red light in Bellevue. I was on my way to pick up nachos to go from Baja for dinner, minding my own business. All of a sudden my head lurches forward, my seatbelt locks and my head smacks back into the head rest. Oh shit someone just rear ended me. Great. I pull over and get out, so does the other driver, a kid (I will call him Stony Baloney) in a nice, fancy, new Denali.

Here's what followed:

Stony Baloney: Oh man, what happened?
Me: A red light "happened".
Stony Baloney: Are you ok?
Me: Yeah, what about you?
Stony Baloney: Yeah.
Me: Ok, get your license and insurance card so we can exchange info.
Stony Baloney: Ok.
Stony Baloney: Your car isn't very nice, are you even going to get it fixed?
Me: (Mouth hanging open in a state of total shock and disgust.) Um, no, I am not going to fix it, YOU are going to fix it.
Stony Baloney: How much is this car worth?
Me: I don’t know, maybe $3,500 or so.
Stony Baloney: Oh, ok, maybe we will just write you a check for it?
Me: Whatever, as long as it gets fixed or replaced I don’t really care how it happens.
Stony Baloney: Do you mind if we settle this without insurance involved?
Me: Like I said, as long as it gets fixed I don’t care how.
Stony Baloney: Ok, cool.
Me: Well, this looks pretty strait forward, you hit me. I am not going to call the cops, do you want to?
Stony Baloney: No.
(I coach him through what he needs to write down for me.)
Stony Baloney: Hey, can you wait to call my parents till tomorrow?
(At this point I guess that he is trying to hold off on getting grounded or losing his car privileges until Sunday, so his Saturday night doesn't get ruined.)

I head off to Baja to get my nachos which are now cold of course. Not only did Stony Baloney wreck my car, he also ruined my nacho dinner which if you know me well is almost as bad as effing up the car.

Luckily he hit our shitty car, the 1994 Nissan Pathfinder that I call Shadrac. We also have a BMW, and two classic cars. So he hit the right car. I am 99% sure that he was ogling a group of girls that were hanging out at the park when he slammed into me.

I woke up on Sunday with a seriously stiff neck and a headache that would not go away. I am trying to ice it a lot and that seems to be helping.

I took Shadrac in for an estimate this morning and the grand total is $1,731.50.

To be continued…

Gym Update - 6/4/07

I only went to the gym 2 times last week. It was closed on Monday for Memorial day and I had a pinched nerve in my neck so I didn't want to over do it.

June Announcements

Happy Birthday to:
KT - 6/26

Gym Update - 5/29/07

I went to the GYM 3 times last week!

Hilarious!

Thanks to Brent for sending me this funny pic. Love it!

Who is definitely not going to be a Millionaire?

Oh, I feel so bad for this kid!

Gym Update - 5/21/07

I went to the gyn (correction: gym) 3 times last week!

Pinky’s Public Urination at the "Lobster Shack"

Last night Chris, Bri and I were at a bar/restaurant on the Eastside that I will call the “Lobster Shack” for happy hour. We are standing outside and 3 people walk out of the front door: two women, probably between 35 & 45 and a boy, around 8 years old. At first glance they looked like they were all together. All of a sudden one of the women (I’ll call her “Pinky” because she was wearing a hot pink track suit) dropped her pants and underwear and started peeing all over the front porch of the Lobster Shack! I was facing Pinky and Bri was facing me. My jaw DROPPED. Bri looks at me with a concerned look and all I can say is “Oh my god – that woman just dropped trou!” We all look over and she is peeing everywhere and screaming “Fuck you! You over served me! Fuck you all!” like a complete maniac.

The woman with the little boy covers his eyes and quickly escorts him to the car. I am looking past Pinky into the Lobster Shack to see if anyone inside is seeing this. A few employees come out and tell her that the cops are on the way and she is going to jail for this. She tries to stand up from her squatting position and pull up her drawers but instead she falls strait into her puddle of pee! I know it’s mean to laugh – but it was so freaking funny when she fell into her own pee!

Then Pinky comes stumbling into the parking lot where we are standing. The employees follow her and try to keep her there by blocking her exit routes. Pinky takes a swing at one of the employees but only connects lightly with her arm. I guess it’s hard to hit someone in the face when you are seeing double. Chris rushes over and gets between the two of them. Everyone tells Pinky to just stay put and calm down. At this point we don’t know if she has a car there or what she might do next.

Pinky continues to stumble all over the parking lot and up an embankment towards the street screaming that she was over served, that she is the husband of a cop, yes, that’s what she said, and a bunch of other nonsense. She walks strait out into the street, not even looking with all of us in tow. Even though she is a total nightmare I still don’t want her to get hit by a car. All of a sudden we see the first cop car; we wave our arms to flag it down. One officer goes after Pinky. Next thing we know there are about 4 or 5 cop cars. They chase her down (not a hard thing to do in her condition) and cuff her. She is covered in pee. They ask us what we saw and if we would be willing to write a statement. We agree. In my statement I just had to include the detail of her falling in her pee. Whoever types up my statement will probably have a good laugh at that part.

I feel bad for her because her life seems like a total mess, but I also don’t because she tried to hit people and seems to have some type of substance abuse problems that she should be getting help for instead of running around stalking people, getting wasted and peeing all over the place.

The three of us got a round of drinks on the house for sticking with the employees through the whole ordeal. They said that she had one glass of wine, ordered a second which they took away when she started yelling FUCK at the TV. She started out at the bar across the street and they cut her off. I guess she ended up at the Lobster Shack because she was stalking some guy that is a regular there. She kept asking him (in a much less polite way) if he wanted to take her home see her lady parts. Well, I can tell you this – she is not a lady and her lady parts aren’t anything special because I saw them with my own eyes.

The end.

Gym Update - 5/15/07 & Weigh in day!

I went to the gym 3 times last week.

Today I went in to get weighed and measured.
I gained one pound (muscle maybe?) but lost 2 inches!

Since January I have lost a total of 9 inches.

Earthquake prediction

One of my coworker told me that they have accurately predicted earthquakes in the past. (No, I will absolutely not tell you who it is – I promised this person I would not, so don’t even ask.) Today this person told me that they think there will be an earthquake today in the Seattle area. This person thinks that it has to do with the numbers 5 and 14. So this could mean that it may happen at 5:14 pm today or on 5/14/07. Just a warning!

The Snapfish Senegal Con

This is a new one! Check this crap out! Ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Here is my feedback to Mr. Hassan Abu on this email:

1. If you really want to con people out of money, PAY ATTENTION TO SPELLING, GRAMMAR, CAPITALIZATION AND PUNCTUATION!


2. Have a better photo taken, preferably a photo of you smiling so people will trust you and think you are a nice person.


3. Esquire? Who the fuck is an esquire these days?

How about this Mr. Hassan Abu: I will rewrite your con email for just a small fraction of that $15.5 million dollars you have access to. Just send me a money order for $499 and your bank account information and I will mail back the revised version within 20 business days.

May Announcements

Happy Birthday to:
Tuesday - 5/5
Chloe - 5/5
Ty - 5/7
JR - 5/8
Nuclear Toast - 5/9
AN - 5/10
SR - 5/11
(OMG - 5 in a row!)
AS - 5/19

Happy Anniversary to:
T&MS - 5/25 - Married since 1991!

Gym Update - 5/7/07

I went to the gym 3 times last week!

Domo-Kun

I love me some Domo-Kun. I love EVERYTHING Domo-Kun. I have Domo-Kun stationary, stickers and a cell phone charm. I don't have a plush Domo-Kun because they are shipped from Japan and they are expensive and the shipping is expensive. But today I broke down and ordered one. So in about 4 weeks I will have my very own Domo-Kun to add to my collection of plush monsters. I hope he gets along well with Abe.

Gym Update - 4/30/07

I went to the gym 3 times last week. Also, I have answered so many trivia questions correctly that they gave me a free shirt!

Pimp, Ho and Henchman

Every Tuesday we go to a little dive bar to play poker. I try to get there early so I can play this touch screen video game called the Mega Touch. I don't like playing it once my friends get there because then I am glued to the screen and anti-social.

Last night I got to the bar and saw that there were 2 people sitting at the table that has my favorite game machine. Neither of them were sitting at the machine or playing it so I went up and asked them if they would mind if I did. They said no so I sat down and started playing.

The man was older, had a radio/DJ type voice and a black top hat on. The woman was in her late 30's with funny teeth and really bad hair - bad bangs to be more specific.

I wasn't really paying attention to what they were saying, just zoning out on my game. A big guy walks up and starts talking to them. Every other word out of his mouth is fuck. The guy with the top hat sternly reprimands him saying something like "Watch your mouth; we have a lady here (pointing to me). You can say whatever you want in front of Crystal (the bad bang woman) and the other girls but you have to watch your mouth in front of a lady. Don't make me tell you again." I was surprised that he would be so mean to the big guy and to Crystal but mostly I just didn't care what he was saying. I said "Oh no, don't worry about me - I've heard it all before." As I am saying this the top hat guy is holding his hand up as if to stop me. Ok - whatever, back to my game.

As I sit there and listen to these people talk it becomes apparent to me that the top hat guy is a pimp, Crystal the big bang lady is a prostitute and the big guy must be a friend or henchman. That last role is a little fuzzy to me, hard to tell I guess but he did seem to do everything the pimp told him to do - get drinks for everyone, shut up, he was told what he and Crystal would have for dinner (spaghetti if anyone is wondering), etc.

These are some of the reasons why I think they are a pimp, hooker and henchman and also just some weird stuff:

• The pimp tells Crystal that she owes him money. She says she doesn't. He said he will check the "book" and if her name is still in there then she still owes him money.


• Crystal and the henchman are complaining that they don't have anything for dinner. Pimp begrudgingly agrees that they can have spaghetti with him. Pimp also asks me if I want to come over for spaghetti dinner and I decline.


• Crystal complains that she has no where to sleep tonight. Pimp says she can sleep in the "tin can" with the other girls. (The tin can is a trailer.)


• Crystal complains that the tin can is cold 'cause the heater is broken. Pimp instructs henchman to fix the heater in the tin can.


• Pimp repeatedly offers to buy me drinks. I of course say no!


• Pimp continues to buy Crystal shots which she doesn't like and doesn't want to drink but she does what he says and he is telling her to drink the shots.


• Crystal catches sight of my wedding and engagement ring and starts asking lots of questions which I answer vaguely and imply that it's fake. (So henchman doesn't decide to rob me in the parking lot for it.)

At this point I make my big escape by telling them that it's been nice chatting but I need to go play some games on the other game machine.

How freaking strange is this? How do I get myself into these situations? Mega Touch - that's how!

Bitches Ain't Shit, A Cappella

If you're at work make sure you have headphones on!
I love the kid in the Domo Kun shirt!
------------------------------------------------
Posted Feb 6 '07 at 3:25 PM by viralvideos

Viral Videos - DeCadence, an a cappella group from the University of California at Berkeley, perform their rendition of Dr. Dre's "Bitches Ain't Shit."

Arrangement by Zack Bruno and Will Rohrer.
Release Year: 2007

Gym Update - 4/23/07

I went to the gym 3 times last week!

Domestic Day

On Saturday I:

• baked a cake
• planted flowers
• cleaned the house
• wrapped gifts
• caulked a bathroom
• grouted part of a tile floor
• ran errands

Weigh in day & weekly gym report - 4/13/07

I went to the gym 3 times this week.

I was not thrilled with this month's progress, but not upset about it either.

This month I:
Gained 2 inches! WTF??
Lost/Gained 0 pounds
Lost 1.20% body fat. Yay!

I am not happy about gaining 2 inches. But I am happy about losing 1.20% body fat. Does that mean that I gained some muscle? Is that why the inches are up and the body fat is down? I am ok with gaining muscle as long as it doesn't make me look bigger! Tune in next month and hopefully the results will be better!

An IM converstation I had with a friend today...

Background: I was shopping online for her wedding shower gift and this is the (slightly edited, see *'s and #'s) IM conversation:

Ash: what size undies do you wear?
Ash: sorry - odd question!
Friend: it depends from where
Ash: but I am ordering your shower gift
Friend: im laughing over here
Friend: M
Friend: best bet M
Ash: ok - thanks!
Ash: M is for a ## or ## inch waist
Ash: that's your size right?
Friend: yeah
Friend: that works
Ash: ok
Ash: you won't wear them for long anyways ;)
Friend: :)
Friend: nice
Ash: and they have some extra room cause their crotchless!
Ash: LOL
Friend: what???
Friend: how funny
Friend: ***** (future husband) will love you
Ash: I know!
Ash: :)

Gym Update - 4/9/07

I went to the gym 3 times last week as promised. Even on Friday when it was 75 and sunny! :)

I get measured on Friday or Monday so keep an eye out for that post!

April Announcements, a little late :)

Happy Birthday to:
Tito - 4/1
PM - 4/5
NS - 4/8
AS - 4/8
DK - 4/14
IRS - 4/15
Bri - 4/24
MW - 4/30

Happy Anniversary to:
H&GW - 4/22 - Married since 1989?!

Kitt

Damn - my birthday was last month and I didn't even put this on my list! ;) I actually want a '76, '77 or '78 Trans Am.

Read it here: MSN - News - 'Knight Rider' Trans Am Up for Sale

Gym Update - 4/2/07

Well, I only went to the gym twice last week. I was all set to go on Friday after work but I told my mom I would help her move a few pieces of artwork in my VW and that of course turned into 4 hours of moving all kinds of stuff. That more than made up for the workout that I missed at the gym on Friday!

I am going to try for 3 times this week!

Only in Pullman!

Man accused of stealing 93 pounds of undies
24-year-old charged with taking 1,500 undergarments from laundry rooms
Read it here.

Presentation to the Big-Wigs

I had to present something that I have been working on to my boss's-boss's-boss. That's like GM/VP level. I was nervous but he loved it. He said a bunch of nice things and was really happy. Phew!

Gym Update - 3/26/07

I went to the gym 3 times last week!

The week before that I only went to the gym twice but I was out of town and did a TON of walking and went to 6 basketball games so I walked up and down the stairs at the stadium a lot!

ATTENTION PET OWNERS

Here is a complete list of the recalled cat food and the recalled dog food. If you have a pet you should really check this list as almost 100 different brands are tainted and pets are dying. Very sad.

Our cats only eat wet food once a week as a treat. They are kind of chubby so they eat dry food as their everyday food. We feed our cats this type of wet food that has chunks of meat with gravy. It's funny because one of our cats loves the gravy and the other loves the meat chunks. When I serve it up I squeeze most of the gravy into Fuzzy's bowl and add a few chunks and then the rest of the chunks go into Chloe's bowl. Luckily we feed them the Fancy Feast brand and it is not a affected by the recall.

The trip to Spokane was good except for the dead body in the room across from ours.

We got back late last night from Spokane.

The basketball games were good and I was really excited to see Winthrop win their first game even though they lost the second one to Oregon. The Winthrop and Arkansas players and band members were staying in our hotel so that was kind of fun to see them in the halls and wish them luck even though DK and I are not particularly attached to either of those teams.

We got to see part of the St. Patrick's Day parade. We also had lunch at Rocky Rococo's. I will only say that we enjoyed it because I know Bladio is planning on going there and writing a review on it at some point and I don't want to spoil it for her.

Marmots live all along the banks of the Spokane River and we had a lot of fun feeding them and watching them scurry around. That may have been the highlight of the trip for me aside from just getting to spend time with my husband.

On a sad and creepy note, when I left the room on Sunday AM there was a cop wandering the halls. I said hi and went along with my business. Then when we left the room to go to breakfast the cop had pulled up a chair kind of near the door to our room and seemed to be watching the door to the room across the hall. He was also reading a book. I was kind of freaked out and we figured that they were moving a prisoner and were staying at our hotel. On our way back from breakfast we were walking down the hall and noticed that the cop was gone. The chair was still there and it was piled with stuff. I thought jokingly that maybe the prisoner had tied up the cop in a closet and escaped. As we got closer to the chair I could see a stack of those crime scene tent cards that they put on the ground when they are photographing a scene, some briefcases and red biohazard bags with stuff in them. Uh oh. As we pass the room with the open door I glanced in and saw some cops taking pictures. DK told me to look away and I did. We asked the hotel staff what was going on and they of course wouldn't tell us. So we asked the news crew in the parking lot and our suspicions were confirmed. They found a dead body in the room across the hall from ours. We aren't sure what happened yet but here is an article about it.

Gym Update - Weigh in day!

OMG - I am so excited about this update! I was nervous yesterday when I went to the gym to get weighed and measured since my birthday was last week and I have been eating cake like it's going out of style. The results are in!

Drum roll please...

Since 2/16 (less than a month) I lost:

7 inches!
UPDATE: The lady at the gym who prints out the progress report/graph thing entered in my arm measurements incorrectly so I actually lost 5 inches last month, not 7. Oh well - I am still happy with that!
1.40 pounds (I think I lost a whole lot more fat than that but it must have been replaced by muscle.)

In the past two months I have lost a total of:
11 inches
5.40 pounds

Dear Idiotic Thieving Fuckhead,

Thanks for coming into my neighborhood and stealing my new checks out of our mailbox.

You are a stupid asshole. Stupid because you wrote a check to YOURSELF for $580 and tried to cash it at the Sea-Tac branch of MY bank, giving the teller your real driver's license! OMG - you are such a dumb ass! An asshole because that is my money and you have no right to it.

Also, the Sea-Tac Police know who you are because you ran off without your driver's license and they said that they know you well and could most likely arrest you that night. Fraud is a felony and you are going to jail asswipe! I know your name and your name is stupid too.

Last night after I spent two hours closing my account and setting up new ones and talking to the police I still went to the gym like I was supposed to. That's right - you may have fucked up my Monday but you didn't deter me from my quest for fitness! They have a gym in prison - maybe Big Bubba can be your spotter?

After the gym I went home and took a nice hot bath and had a glass of wine while watching my soaps in the tub. No baths or wine for you in jail and the only soap you need to worry about is the bar in the shower. Don't drop it!

Then I had a nice dinner. Asparagus, ravioli and bread. What did you have for dinner last night? I hope it was good since you are going to prison soon and I hear the food there sucks! I hope you like cold macaroni with yucky American cheese and hotdog chunks and some substance that could be mashed potatoes or oatmeal! I also had a slice of gelato cake. Do you even know what gelato is? I thought about having a second piece of cake but I decided not to. After all - I am free so I can have gelato cake any time I want. I bet you will go your whole miserable life without ever trying gelato cake! Ha!

I slept really well in our nice, comfortable bed.

Sucks to be you asshole! You didn't even get a dime of my money!

Gym update - 3/12/07

I went to the gym 3 times last week. I also danced my ass of on Saturday night to the great hits of the 80's.

This week I am only going to be able to go to the gym twice but I will do a lot of walking this weekend so that should make up for it.

Space Cadet

This morning I woke up and got ready for work just like most other days. My commute is only about 20 minutes so I feel very lucky for that. I get to my building, park my car and reach over to the passenger seat to grab my backpack which contains my laptop and my card key. No backpack. I left it at home! I have no way to get into the building and no way to get any work done since I don’t have my laptop. Great. I drive home, grab my backpack and drive back to work. 20 minutes + 20 minutes + 20 minutes = One hour commute! I need to be more careful.

Gym Update - 3/6/07

Oops - I'm a day late on my gym update! I went 3 times last week!

Sweet Home Alabama

On Saturday night Chris, Bri, DK and I were at a bar on Orcas Island. We met a nice young man who was visiting his folks who live on the island. He was from Birmingham, Alabama. My husband lived in Alabama for about 10 years. We invited him to sit down with us and have a drink. We asked him how he liked the island and here's what he said (all in a southern accent).

"I can't believe how many deer there are up here. I took one look around and the first thing I thought was: We'll never have to go to the grocery store again!"

"The deer up here are so tame. They come up and eat right out of your hand. At home if a deer got that close to you, you'd try and stab it!"

Wow!

i'm making a difference

Hey loyal readers. This is an awesome program and I encourage everyone to join. It doesn't cost you a dime but it will help some great organizations! Check out the info and link below! --Ash

i'm is a new initiative from Windows Live (TM) Messenger. Every time you start a conversation using i'm, Microsoft shares a portion of the program's advertising revenue with some of the world's most effective organizations dedicated to social causes. While there is no set cap on the amount each cause can receive, Microsoft will make a minimum $100,000 guaranteed donation to each of the nine organizations during the first year of the program. The more i'm (TM) conversations that happen, the more donations that happen. The sky's the limit.

So any time you have an i'm conversation using Windows Live Messenger, you help address the issues you feel most passionate about, including poverty, child protection, disease, and environmental degradation. All you have to do is join and start an instant messaging conversation. Microsoft handles the donation.

Visit http://im.live.com to join and get more information.

Random

I felt like sharing some random stuff.

1. This weekend I watched that Biography show called Final 24. It gives you a glimpse into the final 24 hours of someone's life. I watched the Hunter S. Thompson episode. Did you know that the S stands for Stockton? It makes me sad that he got in a big fight with his wife the night before he killed himself. It seemed like they had pretty much made up, but not fully. That would be a hard thing to live with.
2. As you may know I tiled DK's bathroom this weekend. I am COVERED in bruises. I counted 6 last night and that wasn't even a thorough check. I also gave myself a fat lip. I was trying to see if I had shaved enough off the bottom of the door for it to fit back on and I smacked myself right in the face with the door when I lost my grip on it. Luckily the fat lip went down pretty fast and now you can't really tell.
3. I am happy to report that my nose is getting better. I've had this thing in my right nostril for a few years now. It never bothered me but it seemed like it was a little bit of cartilage coming out of my nose! I told this to DK and Bri one day a couple of years ago and they were like "That's not possible!" and "Are you sure it isn't a booger?" So a few weeks ago it started to hurt and I was getting a lot of nose bleeds. So I was at the doctor for a routine checkup and I mentioned it to her and she was like "Oh - interesting. You have a small piece of cartilage protruding from the whatchamacallit and it seems to be slightly infected." First of all - YUCK! Second of all - Ha ha haaaaa DK and Bri - I TOLD you it was cartilage - it is possible and it is NOT a booger! So the doc wrote me a prescription for some cream to apply to the affected area 3 times daily. That little tube of cream was $50 and that was after my insurance paid for part of it! Son of a bitch that's expensive. But my nose is healing and that is a good thing.
4. The Wii is really fun. I made a little Mii and it looks just like me! I like playing Duck Hunt, Bowling and Tennis. I want to get Tetris but I am not sure how that would work with the Wii controller. Also it's nice that the Wii makes you active. It's more fun than sitting on the couch and you get a little exercise too. DK is in LOVE with the Wii. I think he is starting to get tennis elbow. I really don't want him to have tennis elbow because it is really painful but it would be funny if he went to the doctor with tennis elbow and he had to tell the doc that he doesn't play tennis - he has been playing tennis on the Wii!
5. As some of you may know DK's car Kit is at the plastic surgeon's getting a nose job, eye job, and face lift. You can read about that here. I am glad that we have an extra car because then we don't have to rent one. Even at the insurance company’s rate of $22 per day - it adds up fast. We think the car will be in the shop for about a month. They said 3.5 weeks but you know they always run late. At that rate a rental car would cost $682.00! To make matters worse I am sure it would be a Dodge Neon or something like that. Can you imagine paying almost $700 a month for a Neon? On Friday night we met some friends at a bar and when we got home we noticed that someone had hit my Pathfinder (Shadrac) and broken one of the light lenses. Not a big deal, it's going to cost $50 max to fix it but it pisses me off that whoever hit my car didn't come in and say something! I would have probably just asked them for $20 bucks for the part and called it good. Why are the car gods punishing us?

Gym update - 2/26/07

Well, I only went to the gym once last week... BUT... The weekend before last I painted DK's bathroom. It's not a big room, but I did two coats and that requires a lot of squats, etc. Then this last weekend I tore out the toilet, sink, old floor and baseboard. I put down concrete board which is a workout in itself and cut and laid the tile. That took me about 6 hours. 6 hours of hard physical labor. The next day I grouted the tile and replaced the sink and toilet. I also had to hand cut all of the new baseboard and shave down the bottom of the door which is pretty hard work.

So I didn't do so well on the gym but I didn't just sit around on my lazy ass - I worked my ass off around the house and we now have a beautifully updated bathroom to show for it.

This week my plan is to go to the gym 3 times.

P.S. I will post photos of the updated bathroom soon.

Poker

We usually play poker on Tuesday nights. Last night I was the first one knocked out and ON THE FIRST HAND! :( I had a good hand and went all in against someone who I had overheard saying that he was going to go all in no matter what on the first hand so he could double up and stay or bust out and go to another bar in time to get into their tournament. I was hoping to help him bust out but instead I doubled him up. Booooo!

Normally I like this guy - he's pretty nice, but last night he and his friends were being total jerks.

After more people busted out they started up a table to play for fun - no prizes. Mister Meanie was at that table with me. Here's a step by step of what happened. (P.S. the dollar amounts in this story are just chip values and not real dollars.)

• I was dealt Ace 2 suited.
  
• I called the big blind.


• The flop came 2 2 Jack. So now I have triple 2's!


• I made an average bet into him - enough that he had to call me but not so much to scare him away.


• The turn was a 3 - no help to me but I still have a great hand with my trip 2's.


• He bets $300 or so and I raise him to $600. He calls.


• The river is a 2!!!!! I now have QUAD 2's!!!


• He bets a couple hundred more dollars and I push all in.


• He sits there and thinks about it forever while I egg him on - which is something that I never do but I couldn't help myself since he was being such a jerk and had made a pretty rude comment when I got knocked out of the first game. I'm saying things like: Come on [his name] you know I don't have it - you know you want to call it! Why not knock me out one more time tonight!


• So with a smirk on his face he says "I am going to fold but I really think I have you beat" and he tosses away his cards but shows a 3. He has a full house - 2's over 3's. There are three 2's and one 3 on the board and he has a 3 in his hand.


• So I took the chips and said "I think you are wrong [his name]" and flipped my 2 over. Now he sees that I had quad 2's and had him beat from the very beginning.
  

Oh lord the look on his face! He went from that irritating smirk to totally shocked in a split second. Oh I wish I had a camera or at least a photographic memory!

Someone STOLE Glen, my office plant!

I hope I get him back! I hope the cleaning lady didn't throw him away!

I posted this flyer in the kitchen - his last known location.

UPDATE:
Glen has been returned safely! A kind plant lover adopted him because I left him in the kitchen for so long. I am a bad plant mommy. I am going to buy that guy a plant for his desk too so he doesn't feel so sad about having to give Glen back.

Gym update - 2/16/07

I went to the gym on my lunch break and got weighed and measured. I have been to the gym 3 times this week. Since 1/15 I have been to the gym 3 times every week except the week I was sick and I only went once. I haven't gone on any walks like I was planning and I have been following my normal diet of nachos, pizza, pasta and chocolate but I have cut my portion sizes by about 1/3 - 1/2. Just think of how well I could do if I ate better food!

Drum roll please....

Since 1/15 I have lost:

4 pounds
4 inches total off my arms, waist, hips and thighs
1.6% body fat

Anthony Kiedis Déjà Vu

Yesterday I was driving home from work listening to an old mix tape that I made in 1991 or 1992. Under the Bridge from Red Hot Chili Peppers came on.

I am not sure if you remember that video but in it Anthony Kiedis is running down the street (shirtless I think) with his long man-hair flowing behind him.

I catch some movement out of the corner of my eye and I look over to see a guy with long dark hair (not as long as Anthony's was) running down the sidewalk. It was so funny!

Gym Update - 2/13/07

Damn! I keep forgetting to post the update on Monday. As promised I went to the gym 3 times last week!

Abe & Uno have a baby girl named Onueba!

More Sock Critters

This is another sock critter that I made. I named him Ari Mangold.

Gym Update - 2/5/07

I only went to the gym once last week. I was really sick on Monday and Tuesday. This week I am going to go three times!

Sock Critters

I have been making sock critters in my spare time. I have made about 6 of them. If I know you in real life and you want one let me know.

This is the one I made for Bri. It was the second one that I made. I used those socks with the glove like toes for it.




I am getting better at them and now I even put a little plastic heart inside each one! I also name them all. I'll post pictures soon of some of the other ones that I have made.

February Announcements

Happy Birthday to DR on 2/8!

Weekly Gym Update

Crap! I have been sick and almost forgot the gym update! Thanks for the reminder NT!

I went to the gym 3 times last week! Yay – I did what I said I would. Next week’s update will probably be kind of lame since I have been sick and am not sure when I will be able to get back to the gym.

Weekly Gym Updates

I am now highly motivated to lose some weight and get into better shape. I am totally inspired by one of my friends who is super dedicated to getting in shape and she is doing a great job. You know who you are! If I can do half as well as she is I will be really happy.

Last week I went to the gym three times and that is my goal from now on. I am also going to try to take walks on the days I am not at the gym. At my gym I get weighed and measured on the 16th of every month.

Every Monday check back here for a progress report. It should look something like this:
I went to the gym 3 times last week!

Every month on the 16th, look for a blog post like this:
This month I lost:
x pounds
x total inches
x percent body fat

Work

Rarely ever do I post twice in one day, but I think this needs to be shared.

I just arrived 10 minutes early to a meeting. The conference room we booked was dark so I figured I would just wait in there. I open the door and there was a man sleeping on the conference room table. I was so shocked! All I could say was "Oh, I'm sorry to wake you - I'm early for my meeting. Go back to sleep." All in a motherly voice. So strange.

Nightmares

In January of 1997 two girls that I went to school with and their parents were murdered. Two boys that I went to school with were arrested, tried and convicted of the murders.

I haven't thought about this much in the past ten years but last night I had nightmares about it. They were really vivid and seemed to last all night. The strangest thing is that in my nightmares there was a third person involved in the killings. Not a nameless, faceless, third person - a real third person that I know by name. Very odd.

Video: The Hunt for the Pacific Northwest Abe Yeti

As promised - you can now watch Abe in his medium screen debut!
I would like to dedicate this movie to Bri, the skeptic and Brent, the like-minded Canadian!

P.S. It is a large file so you might need to pause it at the beginning and let it load completely (dark gray bar) before watching it. It's so much better when it's not interrupted.



You can also watch Take 1 here.

Miscellaneous

I know I promised some of you a very exciting movie (dedicated to Bri) on my blog today. Well, I am working on it, but it’s not going to happen today. I need to upload the video to YouTube but they have a 100 MB file size limit and the video is 104 MB. Have no fear, I will figure out a way to share the video with you all.

For now, please enjoy this sunset photo that I took from our back yard one evening a few weeks ago.

Portland Ice and Snow

This video is crazy!

Watch it.

Charity

I was watching "The Fabulous Life of..." on VH1 and they had a segment on Warren Buffett - the second richest man in the world who in 2006 had a net worth of 47 billion dollars.

Did you know that in 2006 Warren Buffett donated 37 BILLION dollars to charity? That was just one single donation - the single largest philanthropic gift in history. 31 billion of that went to the Bill & Melinda Gates foundation. Bill said that with that donation there was a really good chance that the 20 most deadly diseases in the world could be cured.

What could 37 billion buy you?

• Every franchise in the NFL.


• 18 space shuttles.


• The Sears tower - 37 times over.


• Every single home in the state of Delaware.

January Announcements

Happy Birthday to:

Delo - 1/2
Ray - 1/20
Aaron - 1/24
Mom - 1/27

December Announcements

Oops - I fell behind on my announcements!

Happy Birthday to:
BB - 12/6
Fuzzy - 12/24 (my cat)
SG - 12/29
Oaf - 12/31

Ladies Night

What do you get when you mix 3 ladies, 4 bottles of champagne, some wine and some vodka? This night:

Bri, CK and I celebrated ladies night - or as my husband calls it, Dirty Ho Night - on Friday. We had a great time.

We started out at my house with a round of champagne and then went to the hotel that we booked and drank more champagne. Then it was off to the Crab Pot for dinner and drinks and then over to the hot tub (yes, the one we have permission to use, not the one we have to jump the fence for) for more champagne and some vodka. That might be a little out of order but it's close and my recall is a little fuzzy - must have been all those bubbles in the champagne.

After getting out of the hot tub we were in no shape to drive so we left the car and headed out on foot to my house to check on my husband because he had knee surgery a week earlier and I wanted to make sure that he hadn't fallen and if he had that he wasn't stuck on the ground like in those commercials. Ladies – yes I know checking on your husband is a big no-no and totally goes against the point of ladies night but I figured we could make an exception because of the surgery. Bri said to make an excuse like “I forgot my contact solution” but I didn’t.

We arrive at my house and we all stumble in and check on DK. He was watching TV and in good condition. Bri did a little dance for him, talked some gibberish and we grabbed a lantern and a few drinks for the road.

There is a trail that connects my neighborhood to the main road in town where the hotel is so we headed off down the trail with our lantern and roadie-soadies as my Canadian friend calls drinks to go. By this time it’s about 1:30 or so.

I have 3 problems when I get drunk:
1) Doing doughnuts in parking lots. (I quit doing this since it is bad to be behind the wheel of a car even in a deserted parking lot after drinking.)
2) Breaking things on purpose, usually glass bottles. (Not in an angry way, just because breaking things is fun!)
3) Mooning people and cars.

As we make our way to the hotel I start mooning passing cars because hey – it’s fun and I am drunk. I moon a few cars and they would honk or hoot at me and it was all in good fun. Then I see another car about a block away and I am getting ready to drop trou when I notice that it has what appear to be lights on the top of it. Once it was a little closer, about a half a block away I could see it clearly – a cop. Luckily I noticed it before exposing my bright white ass to Officer What’sHisName and ditched my drink in the bushes. He didn’t even stop and we continued on to the hotel for a good nights sleep.

We arrive at the hotel and we are walking to our room and Bri lost her balance and CRASHED into someone else’s door with a LOUD bang.

The next morning we woke up still drunk and feeling like shit. Bri and I decide to go down to the continental breakfast room for a snack. All we wanted was a bagel. Do they have bagels? No. They have a bagel cutter and cream cheese but no bagels. So we settled for waffles, the kind your make yourself on the flipping waffle iron. Bri’s waffle didn’t turn out so well and she was mangling it trying to get it out of the waffle iron. We were laughing so hard and we just couldn’t stop. Everyone, especially this one grumpy lady was staring at us and some 10 year old girl was trying to explain to us how to get the waffle out of the waffle iron.

Classic.

Windy City

I guess we were lucky. We only lost power for two days. Two days is long enough for the temperature in the house to drop down to 45 degrees! I missed TV and hot baths a lot, but overall I guess it wasn't too bad. Some of our friends didn't have power for FIVE days - that really sucks. At least a tree didn't fall on anyone I know - that's always a good thing.

Happy Holidays!

Bumble's Christmas Costume:

Thanksgiving set up:


Christmas lights - We have about 3,000 more to put up!

We decorated the tree with help from our friends: